Doesn't Always Add Up

Ashley's CBC results came in even lower than the previous set.  I was a little stunned to see her numbers drop even lower.  In the world of transplant things don't always add up.  With numbers like we have today Ashley Kate should be pale, lethargic, miserable, and aching.  Instead she is fiesty, spunky, independent. bossy, and loud.  So not completely herself sweet self  but certainly not what she should be with a hemoglobin level of only 6.5.

I look at my miracle girl today and I'm grateful she's here.  Low blood volumes, line infection, and all.  She may have three different infusion pumps running into her little veins, and she may be a handful with all the extra meds, bells, and whistles, but I'm grateful.  Beyond grateful as Dave and I learn of a little one being laid to rest today.  Our hearts break for the family and our focus shifts to gratitude for the little life that is all  snuggled up under her quilt in the recliner at this moment.

Some days are easier than others in our world, but I'll take today and all its struggle and worry over the day where she's no longer here to worry about.

We are waiting direction on a transfusion.  They are checking with the blood bank to make sure they can locate some O+, CMV-, irradiated blood for our little gherkin.  I assume we will spend the majority of tomorrow inpatient as they infuse and observe.  Things aren't emergent today since she's not symptomatic or showing signs of struggle, again things don't always add up since she should be according to her labs.  We are hopeful to  go in tomorrow and have her tanked up and stable before Friday so we can look forward to and enjoy Blake's games.

Ash is nothing short of a miracle as we approach the 2 year mark of the beginning of the end of her transplanted bowel.  It was just days after mother's day that the struggle began.  We spent that entire summer fighting to hang on to our little girl and never knowing from day to day what the next one would bring our way.
Today she lies sleeping with a struggling central line, a blood infection, and a very low volume of hemoglobin, but the point is she lies here.  I'm grateful. Everyday I'm grateful.   Beyond description grateful.