Ready to Talk

I sat down this morning thinking I was ready to talk.  I've been fairly silent since this latest episode in Ash's struggle and there are many, many things that run through my head on a moment by moment basis. I've been thinking for a couple of days that I was ready to start talking it out, but I see now that as I sit here I am not.  I just don't feel like opening the flood gates just yet.  Its draining.  Emotional. Exhausting.  I can't do it right now.

She had her first doctors appointment since discharge last week and I will share with you that it was hard.  It really was.  I don't think there will ever be an easy one again.  The conversations are tough to have.  Tough to get through.

I will tell you that Ash is happy.  She is feeling better and stronger every day.  There have been days in between where she was struggling, but for the most part she is just happy again.  Its hard to swallow all the information, predictions, cautions, etc.  when she's laughing and smiling and playing.  Although I know her attitude doesn't change our situation it does however make it easier to wake up every day.  What I want most for her is happiness.  Today...she's happy.  Again:)

Thank you guys so very much for your concern.  Thank you for your continued prayers.  Thank you for your presence.  It means so very much.