I know I need to Post

I'll apologize now for not writing the last few days.  Its been a whirlwind of activity along with management of Ashley Kate, her symptoms, infections, and comfort.  I'm struggling to find words right now.  Struggling to hold myself and my family together.  Struggling period.

Ashley's party was beautiful and everything I had hoped it would be.  My reason for hesitating to write and share is that every picture I see of her there reminds me of all that has been lost over the last year.  My heart is broken when I look at her in the photographs because I know that a year ago she would have had the time of her life that night, but she is no longer able to do so.  My heart hurts seeing her and realizing that the fun, happy, giggly, joyous days of her life are gone.  More than likely never to return to her again.

We were able to celebrate her life that night and surround her with people whom we know love her.  That was important to me.  I wanted the people who have made or who are making a difference in her life and in ours to be there with us and they were.  I could never say thank you enough to those who attended.  We love you all so much and you have always made it clear to us that you love our sweet Ash.  She was showered with beautiful gifts that blessed our hearts so very much.  The thought and planning that went into the choosing of those gifts meant the world to Dave and I.  My heart was so blessed.  The "rainbow maker" will forever  go down in my memory as one of the most thoughtful gifts she has ever received.  The best friends necklace makes me cry because I know how much that little girl loves mine and her momma will never understand the magnitude of what that gift represents to me.  The softest blankets and pillows and pj's all chosen to bring comfort to my Ash overwhelm my heart.  The gas card...the thought that went into such am amazing gift...the gift of freedom for Ash to get out and see all that she loves when riding silently in the back seat of our car...thank you.  Thank you all so very much.  Each and every blessing given to Ashley Kate is so appreciated, but more importantly...your presence there that night showered us with your love and support and for that I can never repay you.

I will share photographs and details and all the amazing pieces and people that went into making her 8th birthday  memorable.  I promise I will.  I'm just working my way through the pictures and the pain a little at a time.  Her beauty is fading, but even more painful to me than that is her personality is fading as well.  It makes my heart hurt so very much.

Please keep praying for our precious girl.  Her level of comfort.  Her infections.  Her struggle.  It gets harder every single day.  Please pray for the hearts of my amazing teenagers as they struggle with all that is happening to their baby sister and their inability to keep it from happening.  Their hearts are hurting.  Pray for us as we seek out help and try to find the right team of people to help us navigate our way through the rest of the journey.

Thank you for loving us very much.  Many of you are asking for our address.  I'm not able to respond to each email individually at this time so I will give you this address...101- B Woodbine Place, Longview, Tx, 75601.  Anything sent to this address will make its way to Ashley Kate.