It is now 5:00a.m and David and Allison have left for the airport. My Allison is so grumpy in the mornings that we dreaded having to wake her up so early today. Actually she only fussed a couple of times before getting on her jacket and grabbing her little suitcase to roll behind her. I thought we were all holding it together pretty good until we got to the elevators for them to get on. I gave her a hug and she held on so tight I never wanted to let go! That was all it took to break my heart and the tears began to fall. I kissed her on top of her ponytail and asked her to be brave for a little while longer. She came back 3 or 4 times for just one more hug as she tried to fight off her tears. How painful to see her finally go. Saying good-bye to Dave was really difficult. It is so very hard to see your best friend walk away not knowing when you will see them again. Our good-bye was short and sweet. A kiss on my forehead to say that he loves me and a wink as he walked away to let me know it was really going to be o.k. As I sit here typing this note the tears are still falling and my heart is still broken. I wonder how painful it must have been for the Father and the angels in Heaven to say good-bye to Jesus as He prepared to leave them? I know I am not alone with my broken heart.
Our Ashley has had a really bad night. Dave stayed with her and said she never quite fell asleep. She has cried most of the night and nothing he did could console her. Her tiny heart must be broken too. I think she knew something would be different today when she woke up so she must have decided to just not go to sleep. When I came to sit with her she was still crying and she reached up for her cups that her daddy hung above her crib. She hit them around for a minute or two just to make me smile and then she was done. She was just letting me know that she too knew he was gone. I have no idea when they will be back, but I hope it is soon. We are not tough girls like we pretend to be. We are just a mommy and an Ashley who count the days until Dave, Blake, and Allie can be with us.
Today I will ask the Father for many things. I am so thankful He loves me enough to not grow tired of talking to me. I will ask Him to protect my family as we are all scattered this morning. I will ask Him to help my sweet Ashley as she continues to struggle with things that only He can see. I will ask Him to gaurd Blake's heart as he goes to school another day. I will ask Him to give me strength to be strong for Ashley as she hurts today. I will ask Him to watch over our patient's health and their families. I will ask Him to take care of my parents in all they do today. I will ask him to use me to bless someone somewhere today. I will ask Him to comfort my new friends who I will probably never see again as they prepare to say good-bye to their baby. I will ask Him to give wisdom to those who are managing my Ashley's recovery. I will ask Him for an extra measure of strength and grace for our donor family today. After I ask Him for all of this and probably more I will tell Him that I love Him and I will thank Him for loving me and for loving my Ashley.
I am going to pickup Ash now and tell her over and over again how very much she is loved by not only me and her family, but by people from all over and by the One who created her. I hope she will finally fall to sleep and know that it is o.k. to rest because we are all praying for her. Take care today. We love you all.