What a mess
It is now 4:30 and we still are not sleeping. Ash had gotten too quiet too quickly and I couldn't believe my ears so I sat up and peeked over the railing on her bed and what a mess I found. As I lay there praying that my sweet girl might get some rest she was busy unpacking her wound. When I figured out that she was loose from the restraint I turned on the light to see an open wound bleeding from top to bottom. This can't be happening is all I could think. She had blood on her face, fingers, chest and abdomen. What a panic I felt. It is so scary to see your child covered in blood. I tried to compose myself as I restrained her little hand again and began to do a little clean up. Just when you think this is it. How can anything else possibly happen tonight? Right as I finished dressing her wound and turned out the light and tucked us both back in she began to cough and then began to vomit. It was so scary. I picked her up and threw her to her side. This is the most I have moved her in 2 weeks but there was no choice. She continued to clean herself out all the way down from her toes. Unbelievable! So I bathed her and changed her bedding and tucked her back in bed for the twentieth time tonight or morning or whatever today is.
Maybe this is why we hadn't yet fallen asleep. How would I have known she was in trouble if I were sleeping? Even in the sleepless nights I feel His presence with us here. He was keeping me awake while He was protecting Ashley. I know that so many of the nurses wish I would just leave her alone with them and go back to my room, but I just can't do that. Reasons just like tonight are why I always stay with Ash. There is absolutely no way her nurse could have heard her vomiting and gotten to her fast enough. It would have taken probably hours for them to have found her with her wound open and bleeding. I honestly don't know how to be a mom any other way than this. So I hope they will all just bear with me and allow me to stay with Ash. It is not that I don't trust them, it is just that I know He trusted me with her care. How could I walk away each night and not know how she is resting or if she in in trouble? I just can't do that. God made me Ashley's mom for a reason and I don't want to ever take that for granted. She is in His care and I know that, but I believe she counts on me to do the best job I can. So once again I am thankful for tonight although it has been rough. I am thankful to have been given the job to watch over Ash, and I am thankful I was still awake and not asleep.
I believe Ashley and I will take a long nap at some point today. At least I hope we will. I really do love being her mommy even on the long sleepless nights. I am so thankful that our Father is never asleep and that He is always watching over my Ashley.
posted by Ashley @ 4:32 AM
5 Comments:
I am so sorry that you weren't able to get a good nights rest. I am thankful though like you that you were still awake when Ashley started getting sick. It must be so hard for her to not understand exactly what is going on with her little body right now. We will be praying that she will not unpack her wound anymore. I know you are all so very tired, but God will get you through this. I pray for Ashley's comfort and strength for you all, and for a day of rest that you all need so much after the long night. We love you guys and take comfort in all the prayers being lifted up to the Fatheron your behalf.
As I lay awake this morning about 3:30 I was praying for you and Ashley.
The members of First Baptist Church in Victoria, Texas are praying for you all. My daughter called me and ask us all to pray. Be assured we will.
Songfully,
Lindsey Bloodworth
Minister of Music
FBC, Victoria, Texas
Well its Tuesday October 10 2006 and I have been thinking and praying for you and Ashley I say a prayer before I come to your site and hope that its good news that Im about to hear, I am sorry to hear about the rough night the both of you had, I am also glad that you was there with her, Continued thoughts and prayers are going out to you all - Wednesday Night Im going to add your story to our prayer list as well as your link to the site, And through them the prayers will continue to come- God Bless You Both and may the day bring you Many Wonderful Memories and a Nap as well!
God Bless You Both!
I understand the feeling of wanting to stay and be there for her. I did the same with Morgan and was able to catch many a moment w/ motherly love and instinct the Lord has blessed me with since her birth. I do hope though that with your family there, you are able to get the rest you need, even if it's during the day. I will pray for you and her doctors and nurses as you interact with one another in Ashley's care and best interests. I am certain they understand to some degree and that, in your shoes, would most likely do the same. We learn a lot as the moms of these little ones... sometimes i feel like i could write a medical book on preemies or become a nurse tomorrow w/ no other training than the 19mths i've had with Morgan :O). I will be praying for you and Ashley and others involved throughout the day today.
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