Gifts

As expecting parents Dave and I would often lay down for the night and not be able to sleep because we would just keep talking and wondering who our tiny little one would be. What would they look like and who would they become. After Blake and Allison were born for the first several weeks we could not lay them down in their crib. We would lay them between us in the bed and marvel at every detail He had given to them. We lost a lot of sleep during this time because of the excitement of trying to figure out just exactly who He had created and given to us. When Ashley was born we received the call the very next day and it started all over that night. Dave and I would talk and talk for hours about who this little person was. We would pray and pour our hearts out to God asking for His perfect will to be done in the life of our daughter. We did not see Ashley for the first 2 weeks of her life, but each and every night of those 2 weeks we did not lay down to sleep without wondering who she was and what she would look like. At this time we did not know if Ashley would have eyes that could see, or ears that would hear, or a heart that would beat the way it should, or lungs that would breathe, or many, many other things, but none of this really mattered to us. We loved her without even seeing her or knowing her. Our only concern was to get to her as fast as we could and hold this miracle baby that He had created. It took 6 long months to bring our daughter home for the first time and I will never forget that as I climbed into bed that first night her daddy had already tucked her into her space between us. The tears that fell and the prayers that went up to the Father that night were so very precious. She was finally home.

Tonight I was able to climb onto the bed and gently "hold" my Ashley once again. Oh what a gift from the Father! The tears fell so quickly and my eyes were so filled with them that it was difficult to see her. I marveled in awe at her beauty. How I wished I could count the hairs on her head as I gently touched them. I wondered how many eyelashes He really did give to her. There must be at least 100 of them on each eye. As I tried to drink in every detail of her tiny face I realized that He does know how many eyelashes she has and He does know every hair on her head. If He cares enough to know all of that then I know He has each day of her life laid out before her. He does know if her lungs will clear and open up again, and He does know if her little body will reject her gift of life. He already knows all the things I lay and wonder about. As I laid nest to my daughter I asked Him to wrap His arms around us and hold us close. I just wanted to rest and not feel the worry that has been in my heart all day. I know that I felt His presence there with me. How comforted I felt that He cared enough to know how badly I needed to hold her and how badly she wanted me to. I can't believe that He continues to give me more gifts than I deserve.

Tonight I am humbled to be a parent. To be trusted with some of His most precious creations. To be loved by Him so very much that He cared to touch my heart tonight with the most amazing gift He could give at this moment. I love Him for loving me, but I love Him even more for loving my Blake, and my Allie, and my Ashley. I pray that He will give to you the gifts that your heart needs to receive tonight.