The ups and downs

We are moving again. This time we are going back down to the PICU. Our stay upstairs sure didn't last long. Ashley is obviously experiencing pain from somewhere but no one knows why or where. Her breathing is very labored and she is grunting and bearing down with each breath. I am not able to comfort her and this is very difficult. She has been placed back on oxygen, and they want to put her in the PICU to watch her more carefully on the monitors. She is still vomitting even though her feeds have been turned off for more than 12 hours. This is all such a mystery. There are no answers.

I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude, but this morning I think the tears are flowing from disappointment alone. I try so hard not to cry because I know I need to be strong and I have been doing pretty well the last few days. I was so hoping she would do well once we began to feed her again. They are discussing trying to place another G-J tube this week. I am not thrilled about this because of our past 2 experiences. The OR has become a very frightening place for me to send her to. I am tired and I don't feel strong today. His strength will have to guide me through because I am beginning to feel numb again. How I wish I could help my sweet Ashley. All I do is hold her hand and pray that she will someday feel better.

We would really be grateful for your prayers today. Dave is at the Stroll a thon with Blake and Allison and I know he is very torn. I pray he is holding himself together better than I am right now. I really miss him and I am looking forward to haveing his hand to hold next weekend. If things go well and Ash turns around after the next 24 hours we may be able to move back up again. I wonder what He is teaching me today? One thing I have learned to do is pack up in a hurry! Take care and God bless you all.