Humbled

I think it began the day I met Ashley's birth mom for the first time. I don't speak of her often because I hold this part of my Ashley's story in a private place in my heart to be shared only with my beautiful daughter, but tonight I will tell you that I think is the moment when it all became real to me. As I met her that day my heart was forever changed. It melted. In a way like never before. Here I was asking to be allowed to be the recipient of something so very precious that there are no words to describe our first meeting. Ashley had been born 14 days earlier. I had loved my daughter, her daughter, for all 14 of these days. I had cried more tears than could ever be counted as I searched desperately for His perfect will in the life of my Ashley. I spent those 14 days loving this young lady. This beautiful young lady who had given birth to the child that I knew would always be mine inside the secret places of my heart whether or not she ever became mine to hold. It was at the very moment that I saw her on the road that my heart became humble. Not humble as in I was no longer too prideful, but humble in a way that I realized what I had been blessed with in my life. It was at this moment that I saw another human being through the eyes of Christ for the first time. As I looked upon her face, I saw beauty. As I looked into her eyes, I saw beauty. As I looked upon her life, I saw the beauty that should have, that could have been there. Why her and not me? Why didn't she have what I had? Why didn't she have a loving husband, a beautiful home, two precious children, a life blessed with friends and family? What made her any different from me? The only answer I could come up with was grace. I was no more deserving of these things than she. We were not any different outside of grace.

It was this meeting that taught me to be humble, to be grateful, to count my blessings. It was this day on the side of the road that my eyes were opened to all that He had done for me and for her. It took this day in my life for me to not just see the value but to feel the value of His sacrifice. The definition of grace is "un merited favor". Nothing that I had done. Not because He owed it to me. Nothing I could earn. It was there for me because He loved me and all I had to do was accept it. My prayer for this precious person was that she would somehow experience this same grace.

Tonight as I listen to my daughter playing down the hall I am humbled. Humbled first by the grace that the Father bestowes on me. Humbled by the gift of my Ashley. Humbled by the love of my huband. Humbled by the opportunity to mother my Blake and my Allison. Humbled by the generosity of others. Humbled by the friendships that are offered to me. Humbled by this life He has given to me. Humbled to be in this place at this time. Humbled to be a part of my Ashley's Story. Humbled by all the thousands of visitors who have come to her story. Humbled by the willingness of others to love my daughter. Humbled to know Him. Humbled to know that He loves me. Humbled.

Thank you all for what you have done for my family. Thank you Father for this journey you have allowed me to be a part of. Thank you Ashley's birth mom for giving me the gift of a lifetime. All of these things and so much more have humbled me. Good night and may I forever stay humble.