Waiting

Waiting is not one of my strengths. I know patience is a virtue, but it is not one I was blessed in abundance with. This morning I will begin waiting and waiting and waiting. I am not sure the test this morning was successful. We tried every drug in the "cabinet" to knock my sweet baby out, but typical to her nature she wanted to do things her very own way. Her way was definitely harder. ( As I sit and think about that it reminds me of myself and how many times I have wanted to do things my own way instead of His. It is always harder than it should have been.) Since Ash did not sleep through the test she had to be strapped down with large velcro straps across her body. She did not like this. She growled and grumbled and twisted and turned trying everything in her power to get out of the situation(again this reminds me of myself). We continued on with the testing even though we are pretty sure the pictures won't be very clear because of all her movement. The data from this test is going to be combined with several other things to help make the best decision for Ashley. I won't be surprised if they need to repeat it next week. Remember that I said patience is not one of my strengths, this test lasted for 90minutes once she was secured on the table. My patience was wearing thin not to mention Ashley's.

When the team rounded this morning the transplant surgeon shared with me that after visiting with the pediatric surgeon and the pulmonoligist that they all agree some type of operation is necessary. They have not decided what it the best way to approach Ashley's anatomy. They are going to take their time gathering tests results and then meet together to develop a plan that will be the safest way and involve the least amount of risk to Ash. They are planning a CT early next week, and depending on its results a possible bronch procedure(this goes into her lungs and shows them where and to what degree she has aspirated and the damage done by it). David and I appreciate the thoroughness they are using with our Ashley. I am thankful they are not making hasty decisions that could jeopardize her survival. It may take them up to 2 more weeks of meetings and planning sessions before they decide to take her into surgery. How I wish I was more patient at times like this. When they told me 2 more weeks I immediately thought that is 2 more weeks of waiting, 2 more weeks away from Dave, Blake, and Allie, 2 more weeks of delay in Ashley's progress, 2 more weeks of TPN, and then I stopped and thought to myself that is 2 more weeks to see what God will do in her life. When I look at it this way it doesn't seem so bad. God could do BIG things in the next 2 weeks. This is my prayer.

Ash is now sleeping and she probably will sleep for the next 2 weeks because of all of the drugs she was given this morning. I am expecting a lazy afternoon for the two of us. The forecast says that a snow storm is moving in tomorrow. Don't tell Dave. He would be so disappointed that he is missing it. I am looking forward to watching it fall and remebering the excitement on the kids faces as they played in it. I really love that we have the ability to make memories and cherish them for our lifetimes. What a wonderful gift that is. I guess I will go back into our little room here in the PICU and begin my waiting. I wonder what He has planned for us next?