Wandering
My sweet Ashley is so very, very nauseated. She has spent the better part of the day vomitting. She is so sick. If she is awake she is throwing up. If she is asleep and totally still she manages to keep it all down. Have you ever felt like you were wandering in circles? Kind of like the Israelites as they traveled to the promised land. That is how I feel today. It hasn't been anywhere close to 40 years, but 14 weeks in a hospital is starting to feel that way. I don't want to sound like I am complaining, and I don't want any one to think that I am questioning God. All I am saying is that there must be a reason somewhere for why this is happening. I have decided to work on my prayer life and I am trying to seek God in a new way. If there is anything inside of my heart that could be hindering my Ashley from getting better then I am on a mission to find it. I am praying that God will honor my quest and reveal to me what it is that I need to find.
Today I have found it very difficult to stay positive. For some reason every thing seems to bring me to the verge of tears. I have tried to stay in our room so I would not say negative things about our situation and so that I would not get myself in a position that would make me cry in front of others. I am trying so hard to be strong, but I feel like Ash and I are wandering in the desert with no clear direction. We just continue to wake up and walk, and walk, and walk in complete circles.
Although today has been tough, I would not trade my time with Ashley for anything. I know too many families who would gladly trade places with me so that they could hold their children just one more time. I know we are blessed, and I know that God will make a way for Ash to eat. Hopefully this next operation will help. Even when she is sick she is wonderful. I love her so very much, and I wish that I could make things better for her. It doesn't even help for me to hold her right now. It just makes her feel like throwing up. Tonight I will be praying for a better tomorrow for her.
In closing let me just say that I know our wandering will come to an end when He plans for us to make it into our Promised land. Some may find this funny, but to Ashley and I our Promised Land happens to be in a little yellow house, in a friendly little town, in the great big state of Texas. (I just hope there aren't any GIANTS hiding in there!) Thank you for being here with us on the hard days. I know its tough, but your continued prayers are so appreciated. I am going to go watch our little "pickle" sleep. Take care, Trish
posted by Ashley @ 8:46 PM
6 Comments:
Well, understandably....your having a tough day. Praying for you ...for Dave (A.K.A. break dancing guy)....& for God to guide your decisions & those of the medical team. That God the Great physician would help those handling Ash's case.....every step of the way. Trish...praying for God to lift every burden from your shoulders.....take it all away. We can't worry about tomorrow.....but we can memorize every detail of our children & thank GOD for the blessings of today. He CAN do all things.... & where 2 or more are gathered in HIS name...(this site included)...(= Praying for HEALING. GOD is bigger than our problems. HE is. I truly believe Ash is going to grow ...& live a wonderful life. I know that is just my "thoughts" but I feel that....& believe that when I am praying for her... (if you fall flat on your face because you were "believing in YOUR GOD for big things....." what harm is done. I want HIS will to be done but HE knows our hearts. (= I am believing HIM for healing!!!!! (= Hugs from Texas!
I apologize that my comments are somewhat irregular. But I want to assure you that I check precious Ashley's site every day and pray consistently. She (and your family) are in my heart. Please know that someone in Maryland is loving you and lifting you up to God, the Maker of heaven and earth and sweet baby girl Ashley.
know you are being lifted up....and that when you are discouraged...you are carried....and when you are "wandering"....God still knows your path..it is clear...to HIM at least...and He will make it clear to you. God is your rock...you have made that clear...don't doubt yourself...just because you feel discouraged..and ..well..lost...right now....Jesus felt very discouraged at times too....HE completely understands. you are being prayed for every day by soo many countless people.....so..it's ok to feel weak and even be weak...we got your back....so to speak. may GOD bless your tomorrow with a smile...and an abiding joy.
Levi - I hope you feel good soon Ashley. I pray for you every time. I love you Ashley.
Karpi - (Levi's stuffed football guy) I love Ashley.
From my reading this morning:
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it unitl the day of Jesus Christ." Phil. 1:6
"But I would ye should understand, bretheren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel; So that my bonds in Christ are manifest in all the palace, and in all other places; And many of the brethern in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold to speak the word without fear....For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothiing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life or death....For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake." Phil. 1:12,13,19,20,29
I know this was a completely different situation in Paul's life, but it struck me how his message was to remind the Saints at Philipi to hold fast, that his sufferings were an encouragement to them and they in turn needed to lift him up in fervent prayer. He knew his suffering was an honor to bring glory to his savior Jesus Christ, but he needed those his "bonds" were helping to pray for him also. So many of us are and will continue to do that for you. We have no idea who Ashley's Story is affecting in a great and mighty way, but it is.
I wish this didn't have to be so hard for you and David and the kids - or Ashley for that matter. But I KNOW God is doing great things through her situation and I know you know that too and I know it gets harder to remember that when you get so very tired and inundated with all sorts of information to sort through and loss around you. I pray for you daily. I know many many others do too. And specifically today, I'll be praying for Ashley's poor queasy stomach. I hate that for her. But God must trust her an awful lot to be making a difference to a lot of someone's.
Trish: No that you and Sweet Baby Ash are being lifted up. We pray for you daily. Jesus Loves You and so do we!
Trish; Actually, it should read KNOW that you are being lifted up...I need another cup of coffee.
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