Remembering

I am making a list inside of my journal. A list of names that include some of the most precious children you would ever meet. As the list grows I find myself struggling to come to grips with the contents of it. How I wish it were a list of goals, or hopes, or dreams instead of a list of rememberance. I never want to forget the children who are on my list. I never want to forget the lessons I have learned from witnessing their struggles. Tonight another child slipped from the halls of this PICU and was received into eternity. My prayers are with her mother and her family. I take comfort in knowing how much the Father must love these children and knowing that He loves them as much as He loves my Blake, my Allie, and my Ashley.

It doesn't seem right to watch a child die. To see the parents leave this place with empty arms and broken hearts is so very difficult. To be a parent who has a child whose life is just as fragile makes it even tougher. How I wish that there were no illness or disease or trauma. I wish that all of our children could have been born with strong and healthy bodies. I wish that some did not have to struggle so hard and endure so much, but along with the struggles of my Ashley comes the building of our faith. Even on the days when I feel as though things are tumbling down around us I know that He is there. I can look back over the last 17 months since her birth or over the last 14 weeks (tonight) since her transplant and see the very hand of God in our lives. We have not walked one day of this journey alone. He has been and still is there with us picking us up on the hard days and blessing us beyond what we deserve on the good days. His love is constant. His grace is sufficient. His hands are big enough, and His heart is willing.

Along with my Ashley and her struggles to make it out of this unit there are several others who have endeared themselves to us. As you pray for my daughter if you would please remember the others who are on their own journeys and who are having the story of their lives written up here as well. These children are locked inside of my heart and I will carry them always. If you would please add them to your prayer lists I would forever be grateful. Our friend Skyler, our friend Kiley, our friend Preston ( who is needing organs), our friend Ginny, Michael, baby Anthony, baby Kinnick, a newly transplanted child as of last night, and one other little boy who I do not yet know. These children have mommys, daddys, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and families who love them and who hurt along with them just as we hurt for our Ashley. I know they would welcome your prayers. Please don't ever doubt just how precious your prayers are to us. Through Ashley's life Dave and I have learned the value of prayer. Talking to the Father, the One who created it all, the One who holds all of our lives in His hands, the One who does miracles, is such a privelage. He loves us, He loves you, He loves all of these children here in this PICU, and He loves my Ashley. This is something I want to remember.