Not Surprised

I am sure no one will be suprised to learn that my sweet baby girl is SLEPPING soundly. The one night that she is supposed to be awake and causing trouble, she has decided to lay all snuggly and warm in her bed. There is no waking her. We have weighed her, changed her, taken her vitals (she always complains during the blood pressure), given her meds, and we get nothing other than a cute little squeek and a roll over. I can't help but smile to myself knowing that she knows good and well that they would like for her to stay awake tonight, but instead she continues calling the shots. This is so "Ashley".

Talking to the kids tonight left me with such a longing to be at home with them. I miss them so very much. They are growing up and changing while I am away, and I know that I am missing out on it. Blake was his happy go lucky self telling me that he really is smarter than his dad. "Honestly, mom I am. I proved it." They were both testing themselves on some type of Brain game on Blake's nintendo ds and he happened to score higher on it than his dad. Dave will never live this one down. Dave is so very tired and when I spoke with him he still had hours of work to do before he could lay down. No wonder Blake outscored him. Allie is missing Ash and I terribly tonight. She asked me if Ash had a surgery today. I told her no. Then she wanted to know does she have anymore surgerys(I have no idea how she knew to ask me this). I told her the truth. I think we will have another one coming up next week and this made her cry. I asked her not to worry about it, but when your eight and your 700 miles away from your mom and your baby sister I am afraid this is what she does when she lays down to sleep. She has a National Cheerleading Competition this weekend and I wish I could be there with her. It is such a big deal and it really is a "mom" kind of thing, but I am sure Dave will do a great job with her. I am hoping to make it to the one in February if Ash is stable enough for me to switch places with someone over night. I am praying all will be better by that point.

Well once again I am reminding myself that God is not surprised that Ash and I are still here in the PICU. Even when the days events catch me off gaurd He is not. I don't know if I could do all of this without my faith. The journey we are on is hard and long and it is not easy. If I thought that I had to do this on my own I would have fallen apart a long time ago. I know that when Blake and Allie have been tucked into bed, and when Dave has finally gone to sleep, and that when my Ashley is all snuggled into her crib, and I go lay down in my chair that the God that I believe in is there. He is in all of those places watching over all of the ones who I hold so close to my heart. It is this faith that keeps me going when I want so desperately to grab my Ashley and run. It is this faith that gives me peace when all is a mess. It is this faith that allows me to let go and let Him take care of this precious family that He has trusted me with. It is this faith in God that will get us through another trip to the OR. It is this faith that allows me to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Good night from the PICU, I hope your faith is strengthened as you watch my little Ashley's Story be written. I hope your faith encourages you to do big things with what He has trusted you with. I hope your faith carries you on the days when you feel that life is too much. Thank you for praying for us. We love you all. Trish and Ash