Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/20/2007

The end of Day 1

"When you pass through the waters, I WILL be with you; and through the rivers, they shall NOT overcome you. When you walk through the fire, you SHALL NOT be burned, nor shall the flame SCORCH you." Isaiah 43:2


Tonight I have sat and watched my sweet Ashley rest as we drip some of the strongest and most powerful drugs into her tiny body. At this point she is so unaware of the battle that rages inside of her. There is a battle of the good against the bad. The good cells are trying not to be overcome by the bad ones. We are killing the cancer cells and busting them into tiny pieces. If only I could push my will, my fight, my determination, my desire for her to live into her IV along with the these drugs. I would squish this cancer if I could. I would stomp the life out of it. Instead I just sit and hold this beautiful baby and admire the beauty of what He has created and has allowed me to love.

I spent most of today trying to study and learn about the chemotherapy and its effects. I have read and re read the information provided to me. I am trying to understand how it is going to work. I trying to learn what signs and symptoms to watch for. I am trying. My mind is tired and I am not sure it is doing me any good to keep trying. There is so much to learn. I wish I could just sit back, relax, and trust. That is what I want to do. Not so much trust the drug, the team, the staff, or the hospital, but trust that God is going to bring her through. As I read this verse in Isaiah I try to apply it to my Ashley's situation. If He would go with her through the water and not allow it to over come her, then I believe He will go with her through her chemotherapy. If He would walk through the fires with her and not allow them to burn or scorch her then I believe He will go through this cancer with her. I don't know for sure if she will come out on the other side of this unchanged, but I do know that she will not come out of it alone.

Ash is beginning to be fussy and is a little nauseated as we approach the end of the first day. It will take several days or maybe even a full week before we see changes in her appearance or begin to see evidence of other side effects. I am praying they will be minimal for her, but at the same time I am trying to prepare myself for what may occur. If I honestly shared my feelings with you at this point I would have to admit that I am not only very scared for my baby, but I am disappointed and hurt that she is having to endure yet another difficult circumstance. More than anything I want for my Ashley to overcome all of this and to use it to tell others of His goodness and His love. I pray she is given that chance.

The end of the first day is almost here. She will be un hooked from the last drug of today's round and then be given some medicine to help her tummy not feel so yucky. I am proud of her. She made it through the first day of battle and she will wake in the morning ready to fight day 2. She may be tiny and cute, but she is tough and determined as well. I am awed by this little girl and her spirit. Thanks for coming to Ashley's story today, and for praying her through. Good night.

9 Comments:

At 10:58 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, your little Ashley is a fighter and she has parents and family and friends that are warriors for her, also. Rest your weary mind knowing God is indeed in control and has her tiny little body in his hands. You are all lifted in prayer to "Him, who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine ...".
Lou Ann

 
At 11:51 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

He can handle your disappointment and hurt, Trish. I felt very betrayed when Addie was diagnosed last year, whether it was rational or theologically correct or not. Thankfully I had full support from family, and nobody told me I was wrong to feel that way. Eventually I pulled through it, and the knowledge that He never lets go of me, even when I'm questioning/angry/hurt, was a real balm to my soul.

I'm praying for you tonight, that you will be able to rest, both your body and your spirit, tonight.

God bless, and I hope Day 2 of the battle is a good one for both of you!!

 
At 4:58 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God is in control. I pray that Ashley will receive minimal negative effects from the Chemo. I pray that soon her body will be healed of the Cancer. I praise God that they did not find anymore Cancer cells when they did the CT. Ashley is strong just like her Mother and she will pull through another hardship just like before. Just keep your faith and your eyes fixed on the the almighty physician. He holds the key, he knows your hurt, he feels your pain, he loves all of you, and he has his hand in all of your lives. I don't know where or how anyone makes it that don't have him to lean on. It is so great to have a Savior that knows our every need and is faithful and just to provide for our needs. Love and prayers. Praying for you and Ashley to have a blessed day. Cindy Adams

 
At 7:07 AM , Blogger Overwhelmed! said...

My heart weeps for the pain and suffering that your little Ashley and your entire family is having to go through. And yet, I am awed by the power of the Holy Spirit working through you in your time of need.

Please know that your entire family remains in our family's prayers.

May God bless you and yours.

 
At 7:18 AM , Blogger Cheryl said...

Your verse about passing the waters is a good one. I had a post yesterday that got lost somewhere and that was the verse that came to me.
I have a friend who has battled cancer for the past 18(?) years. It went a away for a few years and came back when her twins were 6. That was the verse impressed on her heart at the time.
My heart and prayers are with you - as parents its so hard to not have control of our little ones - thankfully the one who does have control loves them even more than we do.

 
At 8:09 AM , Blogger crygibb said...

Im glad to hear day one is over. Hang in there, you are allowed to feel all that you are feeling. God is with you. Im praying for you and Ashley today.

 
At 8:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last night I was needing some Jesus salve for a bad attitude, bad situation, bad outcome in my life. As I was looking thru our Christian channels on TV, I came upon Paula White and CeCe Winans on TBN.

Two things that were said ministered to me immediately...and I felt I should share them here.

1. When we see Him for Who HE is...we can sit back and rest.

2. How Big will we let God be?

(I hope when we needed, these thoughts might minister to you as well.)

My heart and mind cannot fathom what you go thru on a daily basis. The realization of what you are doing astounds me. I don't even know your family or anyone who does...yet, I check this site 3-4 times a day. I pray for you unaware.

He is doing BIG things thru this child.

I prayed specifically this morning that Ashley not have to experience every side effect. That God give you the wisdom as needed to make decisions in this situation. That Ashley be comforted in this season.

Kristi in Texas

 
At 9:39 AM , Blogger Mayhem & Miracles said...

Lord,

Thank you for every single amazing day Ashley has had on this earth to show your goodness through her. Thank you for thousands upon thousands of heartfelt pleas - uttered both in faith and sometimes in doubt - that you have answered mercifully according to Your will, and so very many times, even according to ours. Thank you for getting to call her my niece, but even more just to be a witness to one of the strongest ministries I have ever seen, through the life of the "least of these", a tiny, helpless baby, showing daily what true submission is. Maybe she doesn't complain simply because she can't, but she is still the most vivid reminder that we are to approach You and come unto you like a little child, completely unaware that there is any other way than the one you have ordained for us. Please forgive me of my many daily sinful thoughts to want anything other than what You have ordained for me. Forgive me my pride when I think my own ministries not important enough. God, thank you. Ashley is here; she is leading; she is showing your grace daily. Please reward her, Lord, with comfort. Please reward David, Trish and all who pray for her with her smiles. Please help her body, the one you crafted from a single cell before you added two perfectly symmetrical puffy little cheeks and ten tiny and perfect kissable little toes. Please be with her today, Lord. In Jesus name, our Savior - and Ashley's. AMEN

 
At 9:39 AM , Blogger Mayhem & Miracles said...

Oops. Nikki
Sorry.

 

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