The end of Day 1

"When you pass through the waters, I WILL be with you; and through the rivers, they shall NOT overcome you. When you walk through the fire, you SHALL NOT be burned, nor shall the flame SCORCH you." Isaiah 43:2


Tonight I have sat and watched my sweet Ashley rest as we drip some of the strongest and most powerful drugs into her tiny body. At this point she is so unaware of the battle that rages inside of her. There is a battle of the good against the bad. The good cells are trying not to be overcome by the bad ones. We are killing the cancer cells and busting them into tiny pieces. If only I could push my will, my fight, my determination, my desire for her to live into her IV along with the these drugs. I would squish this cancer if I could. I would stomp the life out of it. Instead I just sit and hold this beautiful baby and admire the beauty of what He has created and has allowed me to love.

I spent most of today trying to study and learn about the chemotherapy and its effects. I have read and re read the information provided to me. I am trying to understand how it is going to work. I trying to learn what signs and symptoms to watch for. I am trying. My mind is tired and I am not sure it is doing me any good to keep trying. There is so much to learn. I wish I could just sit back, relax, and trust. That is what I want to do. Not so much trust the drug, the team, the staff, or the hospital, but trust that God is going to bring her through. As I read this verse in Isaiah I try to apply it to my Ashley's situation. If He would go with her through the water and not allow it to over come her, then I believe He will go with her through her chemotherapy. If He would walk through the fires with her and not allow them to burn or scorch her then I believe He will go through this cancer with her. I don't know for sure if she will come out on the other side of this unchanged, but I do know that she will not come out of it alone.

Ash is beginning to be fussy and is a little nauseated as we approach the end of the first day. It will take several days or maybe even a full week before we see changes in her appearance or begin to see evidence of other side effects. I am praying they will be minimal for her, but at the same time I am trying to prepare myself for what may occur. If I honestly shared my feelings with you at this point I would have to admit that I am not only very scared for my baby, but I am disappointed and hurt that she is having to endure yet another difficult circumstance. More than anything I want for my Ashley to overcome all of this and to use it to tell others of His goodness and His love. I pray she is given that chance.

The end of the first day is almost here. She will be un hooked from the last drug of today's round and then be given some medicine to help her tummy not feel so yucky. I am proud of her. She made it through the first day of battle and she will wake in the morning ready to fight day 2. She may be tiny and cute, but she is tough and determined as well. I am awed by this little girl and her spirit. Thanks for coming to Ashley's story today, and for praying her through. Good night.