Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/24/2007

Wiped Out

Our Ashley is so wiped out. She is pale. She is weak. She is whimpering. She has hit what they call the "nadir" period. Her white blood cell count is gone. It is .7 today. Not even 1 full point. The normal range is from 6. to 17. To see her go from smiling, sitting, clapping and laughing to this in just one day is frightening to me. She is so fragile and is the most suseptable to infection at this point. I guess this is what we want to happen. I think this was the goal. I just wish we didn't have to shoot for a goal like this. Her defense is now gone and we have to allow the chemo to kill the cancer cells. She didn't wake this morning until noon. She is just so very tired.

We will be giving her a blood transfusion this afternoon. Her hemoglobin dropped last night. I am hoping she will have a little more color and energy after she receives the blood. We are sending cultures to try and stay on top of any infection that might pop up. I am praying, praying, praying for protection over her. She is so amazing and so wonderful. I tried to hold her and comfort her when she woke, but she is just so weak she can't even stand for me to pick her up. This is scary. I am trying to keep her in total isolation from as many extra people as I can. I hung another sign on our door this morning (that makes 3) requesting that people not come in and if they must to please keep Ash safe by taking precautions. You would be amazed at how many people just don't seem to know how to read. They open the door and walk in like it is no big deal. I think the difference is that she is not their baby. If she were they would try and be more careful I am sure.


I know yesterdays video was short and not of great quality, but it was the first time I had seen her smile in almost a month. I was so afraid that I would never see it again, so when she shared it with me I was so happy I wanted you to see it too. I can't wait for her ornery side to come back to us. I want her to feel good enough to give us that little grin and then cause some trouble.


Today is the big day. The one Blake has been waiting for. The Tarheels are playing in their opening tournament of this season in Mesquite. How I wish I could see those boys play. I miss watching them all come together out on that baseball field. Dave promises to call and give me the play by play of the games. I am anxiously waiting. I miss my son. He is go great. I miss watching him practice. I miss hearing him talk baseball with me. I miss watching him throw those guys out from behind the plate. I can't wait for him to hit the ball all the way to Omaha for Ash today. Allie's big day is here as well. Tonight is her birthday party. Hollywood night. The guests will be performing in their own version of "American Idol". The girls are all practicing. The show starts at 5 and they have already begun getting hair and make up done. I wish I could be there with her. She is so excited! I love that 9 year old "little" girl.

It seem so odd to have us all scattered in different states. Our favorite thing is to all be together doing things together. Today some of us are in Nebraska, some in Texas, and some in Oklahoma. I can't wait for the day when God brings all 5 of us back together again for good. What a day of rejoicing that is going to be. I can't wait to load our girls up to go watch their brother play ball on a hot summer weekend. I can't wait to take Blake and Ash to see Al cheer and tumble. I can't wait to take Blake and Al to the park to chase after their baby sister. I can't wait to sit by Dave on the couch, hold his hand, and listen to the "chaos" inside our four walls caused by our three kids. Oh, I can't wait.

God is still so good to me. He is still blessing be on a daily basis. His strength is carrying me on the tougher days. I am asking Him to be real to me today. To allow me to feel His presence in this room protecting my baby. I know some of you don't understand what I am saying. You may think I am crazy, but if I could just feel Him today I know my spirit would be renewed. He is real. He does care about my Ashley and her struggles. He does know how very tired I am. He does love us. He loves me. He loves Ashley. He loves you. I know it.

10 Comments:

At 1:46 PM , Anonymous katy said...

Praying for Ashley. I check on her daily and I am not giving up on that little girl. I pray that you will have strength to continue what you are doing. Press on, Trish!

 
At 5:10 PM , Blogger Susan said...

Trish, I wish you did not have to miss Hollywood night. How much fun is that going to be? Girls are so much fun that way! Thanks for sharing the video of Ashley smiling! How precious she is!

Have a great evening! Love and hugs!

 
At 6:00 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Trish, I absolutely do not think you are crazy for wanting to feel His presence. I pray for the Holy Spirit to permeate every single nook and cranny of your and Ashley's room; to wrap His arms of protection around you both; and to rock you both in His gentle, loving arms. Love and blessings to you on this hard day of being away from your other two kids on such big days...

 
At 6:07 PM , Anonymous Suzanne said...

Praying for you & sweet Ash. God knows each & every need. Lifting you up to HIM. Go Blake Go...Tarheels!!! Have fun "Superstar" Hollywood Allie...Happy Birthday. Praying Ash will feel better soon. I can't imagine. Love in Christ...

 
At 6:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father, we pray that You renew Trish's spirit as she continues to serve you. I pray that she feel Your undisputed presence in their room, in her heart, in her mind. If I could have one thing today, it would be that Trish would feel herself wrapped in your arms...and even without understanding...she would feel Your Perfect Peace.

amen

Kristi In Texas

 
At 6:47 PM , Blogger Connie Barris said...

Trish,
Checking in as I do each day... Praying as I do each day....

Don't know for sure but, I would guess some days,you must feel as Job did...
I would think maybe you question "why" as Job did.. Or I think I might.
I don't want to be like his friends and even try to figure it out what you are feeling.
But what I recently learned in my own life... was that it wasn't to know why....

.....but to know Him...
(which I know you do, but maybe you are guiding others to Him)

At our service the other night,on Ash Wednesday, our Pastor read from Psalm 51:15-17.. and he said, "God doesn't want our burnt offerings but out broken-heart" (paraphrased)
I could definitely give Him my broken heart.

And there our Abba will make us whole. As He binds us together with Him.

Know that myself with many others are praying for your precious family

Connie
Georgia

 
At 8:09 PM , Anonymous Bobbie Thuma said...

I am still praying for you and family. I pray for strength and peace for all. I pray for little Ashley as she has to endure so much and for you as you have to see it happening. I know you are absolutely drained. We do not understand when all is being done that is humanly possible and she is still so sick. I pray you will get some sleep tonight and strength for tomorrow.

 
At 8:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish:

I was able to connect to the video today and those smiles were so sweet! What a beautiful baby! She is so precious!

Praying for her strength, your strength, and the family's as well.

I also will pray the Holy Spirit to permeate your whole room and give you peace and comfort!

I hope Blake won his game and I hope Alli is having a super party!

God Bless,

Shari

 
At 10:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could see her! Sweet girl...You are always on my mind. We gathered and prayed for you all tonight. God please hear our prayers & have mercy and bring peace. I know it can't help too much, but we are thinking about you ALOT. I turn on your update first thing in the morning to see how you are Ashley. I will never stop praying, sharing, or believing in God's healing power.

 
At 12:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Letting you know that I continue to check on you daily and pray for you so very often. Praying that you are asleep and will get to sleep all night long. Praying that Ashley will feel better tomorrow and let her mommy rock her and cuddle up with her. May God bless you all!!!!

 

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