Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

6/26/2007

Touched

My heart has been touched. Each time I checked Ashley's journal this is what I found;


"I'm praying."

"Praying"

"We're praying for you and for Ash today."

"Praying today"

...and on and on and on. Your words brought great comfort to our hearts. I don't know if you have ever experienced what it feels like to know that hundreds of people are praying for you exactly when you need it, but I assure you there is nothing can compare to the peace it brings. Thank you for praying for our sweet Ashley today. She does have an infection. At this time we are watching it closely and will start a round of oral antibiotics to try and stop it from spreading. If she is not considerably better in 48 hours then we will begin IV antibiotics and try to stop it from going any further. There is not much that can be done for her discomfort. Tylenol is what we are using, but we are very careful with it because she is a liver patient. I don't see that it helps too much anyway. Her infection began to change shapes today. It now has some streaking that is spreading. We have drawn a mark around the shape of it so that we can measure how much it is changing. She is currently screaming and inconsolable. We haven't slept in the last two nights and it sounds as if she and I will be up again tonight. I promise I can hear her saying "Mom" as she screams. I think Dave heard it last night also, but neither of us said anything to each other. It sounds nothing like the sweet voice she used to use when she would say, "My mama". This one is sad and desperate. I know she wants me to fix it for her, but I can't. The best I can do is hold her, rock her, and tell her over and over again how very much I love her.

I know that Ash has been through much worse than a cellulitus infection in her life, but this is different. She is a little older now and her cry is more deliberate as she tries to tell me how much she hurts. I don't know why this is so tough? Maybe its because I have been so emotional over the past few days? Maybe she has sensed my sadness and it is effecting her as well? Whatever it is, I am ready for it all to pass. Just as her smile can melt my heart, her cry breaks it.

I just wanted to say thanks for praying for her today, and to let you know how much you have touched my heart. I know you are praying for us because I can feel it. Please be patient with me as I try and figure out how to share with you all that is in my heart. I really don't know how to do this anymore. I am frightened of saying the wrong things or of sharing who I am inside. I believe that I will get back to where I can openly share my heart with you as I tell you of Ashley's story each day, but right now I am still struggling. It just feels like I am doing it all wrong. Just know that I continue to pray about what is right and what is wrong and that I promise I'm not giving up. I owe Ash more than that.

Good night my friends and may God bless you. Trish

23 Comments:

At 10:27 PM , Blogger Tara said...

Trish
Please know that you do not need to guard what your heart feels. This is your story about Ashley's life and you are the one living it and the one who can tell it.

pray for Ashley and that she may find rest and healing. It is the worse feeling when you can not comfort your child. It just makes you want to cry with and for them.

Praying
Tara

 
At 10:32 PM , Blogger Candy said...

Praying for healing and comfort for Ashley, and for your family. Thank you Trish for continuing to share your story with us. You write from the heart and that makes us love you and your family. God bless you, and Ash will be healed.

 
At 10:35 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Oh my goodness - my heart goes out to you! I will continue to pray - both for healing and for comfort! May God hold you and that baby girl as you rock her! May He reach down and scoop you both up in His hands to comfort, heal, and hold you through this! We will not stop praying - we promise! Sunshine
(I say "we" because my husband and I both are checking this daily and praying!)

 
At 10:44 PM , Anonymous Brenda said...

You're so right - it does seem harder to see them be sad when you know they've developed the expectation that you can help them... and there's just nothing to be done. I'm so very sorry she is so miserable.

There's not a soul on the earth who can write to the satisfaction of everyone, all the time. It truly doesn't matter what anyone thinks but the people who care enough to pray and have good intentions. It would be a shame if those you have blessed so much lose one word of the inspiration you give so well through your words. We'll keep praying for her.

 
At 10:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Is. 41:10
Praying this over your family tonight.
Jennah

 
At 11:02 PM , Anonymous Molly said...

Oh sweet family that lives down the street, may God continue to strengthen you and give you a peace that only comes from Him. I pray that you all will receive some rest tonight. I pray that Ashley's "bobo" will heal fast and without complications.
We are praying for you guys!
Molly & guys

 
At 11:06 PM , Anonymous Janiece Baldwin said...

Trish, We are all here and we are not going anywhere. We will continue to walk right along side of you, Dave and the children as we have in the past. We will continue to pray fervently for God's touch and will for little Ashley. We will continue to be a support group for you which means that we listen to your heart and your words through these postings. We see God's reflection in your words of inspiration and we feel blessed to just be here for you. We cannot wave a magic wand and make all the bad things - words, infections, pain, etc. go away but we can always pray.
Dear Lord, Just surround little Ashley with your presence and help her little body as she struggles with so much pain. Touch her, Father, comfort her, heal her is our prayer tonight. Give her rest and peace and Trish and Dave as well as they stand watch over her. Keep them strong. Fill them with your love and strength. In Jesus Precious name I pray~~~~~Amen

 
At 11:29 PM , Blogger His Singer said...

Trish and Dave:

Please check out hisunfinishedwork.blogspot.com for a little encouragement for you.

And know there are those of us who lurk, and care, and pray.

 
At 4:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Trish,
Honey you're not! You're NOT doing it all wrong! Call that thought what it is; a lie fron Satan. Take that thought captive. Judy

 
At 6:18 AM , Anonymous Lauri said...

As awful as it is to say, it is "easier" caring for a sick child when they really don't know any better - when they understand that pain is not "normal" and they have the memory of feeling better - addressing the hurts and lousing feelings is harder on all involved! Hang in there ... you are in our prayers!
Lauri

 
At 6:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, I just wanted you to know that I love you all so very much and am praying without ceasing for dear Ashley this morning.
May God bless you, most richly, as your family continues to bless me.
~Erica

 
At 8:29 AM , Blogger Julie said...

Definately in my prayers. Going to spend some quiet time now.

Prayers -- Julie

 
At 8:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish - I am thinking about Ashley and your entire family, and will be whispering prayers throughout the day. Thank you for continuing the blog - your faith is inspiring. linda.

 
At 8:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prayers & (((hugs))) as it all works out. Praying for Ash to heal really quickly! ~Chan~

 
At 9:17 AM , Anonymous amy in nc said...

prayers abound!

 
At 10:07 AM , Blogger Edith said...

Trish

Thank you for continuing to share what is in your heart and for continuing to keep us updated on your precious family.

I'm still keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

edith

 
At 11:30 AM , Blogger ivegot5 said...

Trish...Our God works miracles. I am praying for Ashley's pain to subside, and for the infection to heal quickly. I am also praying for guidance for you and for relief from some of the hurt you are feeling regarding this journal to leave you. This should be a place of peace for you. Satan has taken that away from you temporarily. I'm praying!

 
At 11:46 AM , Anonymous oh amanda said...

Praying & blogging for more prayers:
http://soitbegins.wordpress.com/2007/06/27/kiss-your-kids/

 
At 12:14 PM , Blogger Lisa said...

Praying for your precious Ashley. Please know she is on my daily prayer list.

Lisa

 
At 1:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I have ready your story daily for quite a while now and I pray for Ashley and your family daily. I have never posted a comment, but please know that you touch my heart with all you are able to so bravely and graciously share regarding your struggles and your faith. You deepen my own faith with your strength. Please know my family and I will continue praying...my kids have come up behind me when I am reading your blog and asked "is that the baby we pray for?" Amy Miller from VA

 
At 1:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a journal about you and your baby's life and how it is efecting your family. We are just bystanders praying for you. We can not judge or even say what we would do becaue we are not going through it. You inspire me everyday to be stronger. I will continue to be blessed by your story. Praying for you everyday.

 
At 2:09 PM , Blogger Coach J said...

I found you through oh amanda and came over to tell you I've said a prayer for your family. I'm so sorry for all you've been through in addition to the issues with your daughter. I can't imagine what you are going through. And since Jesus said that He would not allow more than we can bear into our lives, I already know that you are one strong woman married to one strong man. God bless.

 
At 2:31 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Bless her little heart! I'm praying for her infection to go away and for the pain to be lessened (for Ashley and you).

 

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