Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

9/25/2007

Gaining Perspective

I find myself searching for a lot of things this week. Searching for answers, for reasons, for explanations. This morning as I woke I realized that all of that searching is not going to do any good. Even if I find those things it will not change where we are today. I woke with positive feelings again this morning. It seems that each day I start fresh with hope and an expectation that all of this could turn around and we could be headed home soon.

As I search for the meaning or the purpose behind this set of circumstances I am gaining perspective. Today I will concentrate on all of the good that surrounds me and I will be thankful for all that has been given. The first thing that comes to mind is this; Ashley Kate has organs. A year ago today she did not. She was slipping away from us a little more each day and we were powerless to stop it. Tomorrow we will not celebrate her 1 year anniversary in the way that I had hoped we would. The plans that we had made for the balloons, the cake, the pictures will not take place, but we will still remember. We will remember what a gift she was given. We will remember the precious family who will grieve the loss of their child on that 1 year anniversary. We will remember to be grateful. We will remember not to take one moment of her life for granted.

The results of the biopsies will lead us in a direction. I have no idea if that direction will be good or bad, but at least we will know. I still find myself holding out hope that this will be a short stay and that Ash and I will return home soon. If that is not the case then I hope that I will allow myself to learn, to grow, and to be used in whatever ways He has planned.

Ash struggled for most of the night. I went to the room and slept, but Dave tells me how heartbreaking it was to listen to her struggle. She is very uncomfortable. Her little body is no longer little. Her abdomen is very, very distended because of the illness in her bowel and it is causing her a lot of discomfort. She is not resting well and is very fussy and sad. She will finish the third dose of steroid(I don't remember if I told you they were treating her rejection with 3 very large doses or not) and this drug causes her to feel miserable. We have also raised her FK level(the anti-rejection medicine) very, very high to try and protect the remaining bowel from further rejection. This too makes her feel miserable. Overall she aches and doesn't understand what has happened. I wish she understood. I kiss her head and hold hands as I whisper to her how much I love her, but that cannot take away her pain. We are helpless.

As soon as we know anything about the results of her biopsies we will share it with you. At this point we just wait and pray. Trish

21 Comments:

At 10:46 AM , Blogger Dotty said...

Keeping a close check on your journal entries and letting Faith and Hope classes know what's happening, so we will all know how to pray.

God keep His arms around you and hold you all close to His heart.

 
At 10:48 AM , Blogger KimberlyDi said...

The gentle touch of a loved one will help. Your presence eases her suffering. Remember that.

 
At 10:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Checking in this morning to see if you know any results yet. I will continue to pray for God's Perfect Will in Ashley's precious little life. May you feel His Love, His Power and His People surrounding you this very moment.

 
At 11:00 AM , Blogger Kristi said...

I am so sorry that you both have to watch your sweet baby go through this. My heart feels so sad to imagine how hard this must be for a parent to watch and stand helpless. I have been praying for your daughter and your family and will continue to do so.

I have only been reading your blog since yesterday and I have been so touched and inspired by the amount of faith that you and your husband display. Your ability to "Praise Him in the Storm" is a testimony of faith and love of Him.

I will continue to pray!

 
At 11:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We will continue to pray for Ashley's comfort and healng, and for peace and strength for you.

 
At 11:12 AM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Praying and checking the blog about as often as I can without forgetting to feed the little ones ;)
Prayers!!
Tam

 
At 11:17 AM , Anonymous nikki said...

We are still praying....

 
At 11:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will continue to pray that God will touch Ashley and take away her discomfort....You and your family will continue to be lifted to the throne!

Always praying in Lubbock.

 
At 11:37 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You continue to be in our prayers! We pray healing for Ashley and strength and PEACE for you and Dave. God know...and He loves you deeply!
Karen Jacobs ~ Longview

 
At 11:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so very much for taking time to keep us updated on Ashley. I check her online journal often and pray for her many times throughout the day. God's blessings to you all.

Prayers,
Gina in KY

 
At 12:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Continued prayers..... Thankful that God has given you such peace & Positive thoughts in the midst of a storm (your such a testimony)......I am sad that you have to watch her suffer so....Praying she will soon feel well again..Prayerful that your desire to come home soon....will come to pass. Praying...
-S.S. / Longview

 
At 12:41 PM , Blogger monica said...

we are still praying for Ashley and for your family!

Love,
Monica, Gavin & Gabe

 
At 12:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

praying.....Jaka

 
At 12:52 PM , Blogger Sun said...

bless your sweet hearts - we are praying and thinking of you all day today! I am off to teach a ballet class to a lot of little ones - I am going to ask them and their parents to pray for sweet Ashley and your entire family! Sunshine

 
At 12:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for you all! ~chan~

 
At 1:06 PM , Anonymous Dee Dee in NC said...

Praying.

 
At 1:29 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Praying that Ashley begins to feel more like herself every moment. Praying for rest and comfort for you and Dave. Thank you so much for updating.

 
At 2:02 PM , Blogger Joyful Days said...

Prayers.

 
At 2:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying that the news today is good news and for peace for whatever God has in store for Ashley...

 
At 2:39 PM , Blogger Morgy's Mama said...

still praying

 
At 2:48 PM , Anonymous lori said...

Still praying for all of you!

 

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