The Weight of the World

I honestly don't know how he does it. This man must feel as though the weight of the world is on top of him, but yet he never lets me know if he is struggling. I crumble and fall apart all over him several times a day, and he never fails to encourage me and bring me back together. He can make me smile even on the toughest of days. He brings laughter into our home, our family, our relationship and thats what makes our life so great. Without his strength and his solid perspective I could not do this another day. I love him. I admire him. I respect him. I am thankful I get to know him, and even more thankful I am allowed to love him.

Once again he has put the pieces of my fragile heart back together and has encouraged me to keep on. His strength, and peace, and comfort comes from God. With all that he is managing in my absence you would think I would be the one to lift his spirits, but it is the other way around. All I do is Ashley Kate. He does everything else. Our home, our practice, our family, our life continues to run like clockwork because he is amazing and he works from early in the morning until late at night making sure things go right. After working a full day at the office, giving a lecture, settling the children and tucking them into bed, he is up packing for the trip. Tomorrow morning he will attend Allison's field trip with her and her fourth grade class, work a full afternoon at the office, and then jump in the car for a 14 hour drive. He will do it all with a happy heart and a willing spirit. Why? Because he loves us. He loves me. He loves our family. He loves our baby gherkin(and can't wait to hold her!). He loves God.

Thanks Dave for having the energy to encourage me tonight and for having so much excitement in your voice about coming to visit. I love you for keeping me centered and for allowing me to fall apart all over you. I can't wait for Wednesday morning!

Ash is still on her feedings. She doesn't feel well today and I am trying to imagine what it would feel like to use your tummy and your bowel for the first time in 35 days. I think I might feel a little yucky too. She has spiked a low temperature tonight and her heart rate is a little higher than I would like. She has been nauseated and thrown up several time today, but I think that is to be expected. Overall she is holding her own. When I pick her up she snuggles in under my chin and pats my arm with her tiny fingers reassuring me that its going to be alright. She has not slept much today and even though she looks exhausted I don't think she is going down tonight either. Her chest tube continues to put out way too much fluid. She is losing about 100cc every 6 hours. She has to get down to 30cc in 24 hours before they will pull it. Her side is sore and bruised and she screams any time you touch it. I have learned to pick her up in very interesting ways this week in an attempt to make her more comfortable.

Thank you for your prayers today. Things remain a little strained and tense. I honestly believe everyone is working toward what they believe to be in Ashley's best interest. We just have different ideas and different ways of getting there. Your prayers are so appreciated. Our ultimate goal is to take Ashley home and to give her the best quality of life we can. This is what our hearts desire. Getting to that place is not always easy. Anyway, thanks again for loving us and for loving Ash. Goodnight guys. Trish