Although we've never met...
...I feel as though I must write to you. Something is leading me to share my thoughts with you here. Maybe, just maybe someday you will stumble across them and know that I have not forgotten. That I will never forget.
This date, Sept. 26th, means a lot to us both. Its the anniversary. I know you haven't forgotten this day. Its because of this that I just can't shake this leading I feel to write to you again.
I'll start by saying Thank You. How small those words sound, but yet how huge they are when I pull them from my heart. Not a day, not a single morning goes by that I don't think of you and pray for you. As I scoop her up into my arms, I remember that your arms had to let go of your child. As her sleepy eyes twinkle at me in the early morning hours, I remember that its been two long years since you looked into your child's eyes. As she smiles at me, I remember that its been so long since you last saw that same smile. Please know how sorry I am for your loss, and how grateful, how eternally grateful I will forever be that you thought of me on that day.
I just wanted to thank you for allowing us to hang on to our baby. I wanted to thank you for allowing us wake up every day for the past two years and touch her face, hold her hand, and smell her hair. I wanted to thank you for being willing to be used by our Father in such a selfless way.
I wish you could see her. I wish you could have the opportunity to see how her eyes sparkle. I wish you could hear her giggle. I wish there were a way for you to know what a difference you made in our lives. I don't know if it would bring you comfort or pain, but I pray that it would somehow bring peace to your heart to know that your gift has done so very much for her.
Ashley is 3 years old now and she is finally home. She has fought so hard and come so far. I know you would be proud. We make every day count. We allow her to experience new things, go new places, and live. She has been to the top of the mountains and looked across the tree tops. She has felt the warm sand of the beach underneath her toes. She has been to the ocean and watched the sea gulls. She has seen a majestic waterfall and was mesmerized by the sound. She has dipped her toes into the hot springs in Colorado as she sat surrounded by the most beautiful mountains. She has walked along the banks of a river as her daddy carried her in his arms. She has felt the rain drip onto her hands. She has closed her eyes tight as the wind rushed across her face. She has been to a baseball game. She has ridden a horse. She has snuggled up close to her big brother as they napped on the couch. She has giggled with her big sister as they played together on the floor. She has felt the kiss of her mommy on her forehead while she slept. She has taught us to live, to be content, to be happy. She has shown me that the God I believed in and thought I knew was so much more than I had even allowed myself to imagine. She has helped so many believe in miracles. She has been an example. She had done all of these things and still has so much more to do.
When I say thank you, I truly mean it. Without your presence in our lives she would no longer be. You mean so very much to this family, and you are loved.
As I celebrate her 2 year anniversary tonight, I realize your 2 year anniversary is not a celebration. My heart aches for you and I'm praying for you tonight. Thank you from the depths of my heart.