By a Thread

That's what I'm hanging on to this morning. If we don't get some kind of encouraging news, any kind, soon then I am afraid this worn and tattered thread that I am holding on to is going to fray and leave me on the floor.

Yesterdays biopsy was the worst I have ever seen. We have no official news but in rounds the doctors were discussing it and the statement was made, " I fear its getting worse and good things are not on the way." How's that for making you feel as though that old, worn out thread is fixing to break?

Last night was difficult. Ashley had a blood sugar of 490 which had us all reeling as we negotiated our way through managing it and figuring out what had caused it. I'm far too exhausted to get into all the details, but its over now and I am so grateful.

The gancyclovir has taken its toll on our baby and her blood counts are all low across the board. Were tallking RBC,WBC,Platelets, Hemoglobin, Hematocrit,etc. She is pale and weak and not able to wake up this morning. She is not responding to the treatment and so I thought we would develop a plan this morning but without pathology reports nothing has been determined.

We need good news. We desperately need some. Its just not coming our way. I'm numb from the crying, the pain, the struggling. I don't even hurt this morning. We're just too tired. I sit and stare at my beautiful baby girl and have no thoughts. I just stare and stare and stare as she sleeps.

If we know anything I will share, but for now we continue to wait.