This is really hard...

...Knowing how close we are yet not knowing when or if we will be leaving this week. Its been a really hard day and an even harder night since Dave is gone. I didn't allow myself to even be sad that he was leaving this morning because I had such hope of seeing him again tonight.

My hope would be to have a call early in the morning and be told the flight crew is on their way, but we have been given no indication of when or if a room will open up. So basically we are stuck here if that doesn't happen. Ash doesn't even need to be hospitalized. We are here because we can't leave without a pump to run her TPN. We can't get a TPN pump from a company here because we don't live here so we have to transfer to a more local hospital to have her TPN continued while we wait to contact our home health company to have orders written and supplies sent. I have no idea how long the doctors in Shreveport will want to keep us there, but our hope is that it won't be more than a day, maybe two. Dave and I are very comfortable taking care of Ash while on TPN. We did it for the first 14 months of her life. We are very, very close to home. So close that when it didn't happen it crushed the hearts of our children. They are praying so hard for her to be transferred. I had the opportunity to visit with both Blake and Al for a very long time tonight and I could hear the burdens lifting off their hearts. They are so thrilled we are coming, but sad it wasn't today. They are so happy she is getting better. Still concerned she won't be strong enough for our holiday plans, but I tried to reassure them. I can't predict when Ash gets well or how long she will stay that way, but my heart is much more encouraged this week then it has been over the last month. We really may make it after all. It looks like a possibility.

The only positive I see about having to stay here today is the weather. I am terrified of flying. Honestly, I am. I stay a nervous wreck the entire flight and pray, pray, pray. The skies have been stormy today and tonight so I am thankful that the Lord has spared me the extra stress in this situation. As I think on that, I remind myself that there may be other things He is sparing us from and that may be the reason things did not go according to plan today. I'm resting on that tonight as I prepare to lay my head down.

I didn't splurge on the chocolate although it took much restraint for me not too. I chose to stay on the plan I have been following the last 16 days. Only 2 more to go until I have completed what our goals were and blowing it tonight on my coveted bag of chocolate would have made me feel as though I failed. It may have been worth it tonight, but I'm sure I would have regretted it in the morning. I truly hope somebody out there ate some chocolate in honor of me and my disappointment.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully it includes a transfer for these two Texans who are currently freezing here in Nebraska. The days are much longer here when you are waiting for that call then they were before we knew we were on our way out. Thank you so very much for your prayers. I'm serious when I say eat a bite or two of that chocolate for me. Take care guys. Trish