Direct Quotes

" This is ugly in here."

"A very unhealthy bowel."

"I see very little anything. Not much mucosa. A couple of places where villi are coming back, but just a few."

"I think its a case of chronic rejection."

"We'll just have to wait on pathology."


I realize this is not the final determination and that won't come until tomorrow at the earliest, but I do believe this doctor knows what he's talking about. He's been doing these scopes for the past 17years and has done thousands of them.

I asked why? how? She looks as though she is getting better. We treated her for rejection twice. She is on more anti-rejection drugs than ever. What happened. His answer? "Sometimes the cells just go the other way and we don't know why."


I left feeling defeated, broken, hurt, disappointed, stunned, angry, protective, and defiant. I know its not right, but its honest. This is what our transplant journey has reduced to me. Oh, how I wish those were not the feelings I had inside of me, but they are there and today I don't have what it takes to even begin to make them go away.

I'm giving in and searching for some sign of Christmas for my baby. I had refused to actually give up until now and put up a tree here in Omaha because I still had hope we would be leaving soon. I guess I'll try and figure it out now. It may be all homemade, but it will be something. Anything is better than nothing.