Trying

I really am. I'm trying so very hard to be optimistic. To not let this discourage me. To believe that we will indeed take her on her Christmas trip to the castle. I am trying my best to forget that it is Christmas time and that we are not home. I am trying.

Ash will have her biopsy done late this afternoon. Based on those results we will sort of know what direction we are heading. Rounds held very little information this morning. Everything depends on what pathology sees on those slides. It should be back in 24 hours, but all 3 of her last scopes took 4 days to return information. I am hoping this won't be the case today. They upped her goal on feedings from 65 to 75-80. That in itself almost made me cry. We were so close to getting her off of TPN and now it seems so far away. Dave and I had hoped that she would not be on TPN while we were in Florida. Not for any particular reason, just that we feel it would be easier to maneuver her around without the additional tubing coming off of her pic line. I'm sure if we get to go with them, that the last thing I'm gonna allow to stress me out is TPN. I'll be so grateful to have her there on this trip that was planned for her that I won't care what we have to lug around with us.

9 days. That's all we have left. Our plane leaves at 11am on Christmas Eve out of Dallas. Dave, Blake, and Allison will be on it with or without us. I'm SO hoping to be on it with them! This whole vacation was planned at this time of year because it is the only time of year that Dave can afford to be out of the office. We only get to be opened for 2 days between Christmas Eve and New Years so that means we only miss those 2 days. Otherwise vacation planning is impossible because he is needed to care for our patients and shutting down the office for a week is not only irresponsible, but also too expensive. We chose the "castle" because of all of the holiday lights and music. Ash won't be able to do much while we are there, but she LOVES lights and music so we knew this would appeal to her and be very, very special. We desperately need this time away with the kids. Time just to laugh, play, and enjoy life away from deadlines, pressures, stresses, hospitals, and doctors.

Ash looks amazing today. She woke feeling good for the first time in a month! She is smiley and sweet. Signing away and giggling all the while. She didn't even shed a tear when the surgeon spoke to her. That is definitely a first. All of the nursing staff is pulling for us. No one wants us to be here at Christmas time. They all know how very much we love this time of year and everyone wants her to make that special trip. I hope and pray we are getting out of here soon.

I'll let you know something as soon as I do. For now its back to the phones to continue to preparing for the trip. It has to be done even if she and I aren't going the other kids are. Its exciting and sad all at the same time. Hope your day is blessed. Ash and I are just going to hang out here in our room and wait on the snow to start falling. God bless. Trish