Wishing I could rewind...

...and take it all back. I wish, I wish, I wish. Althoug its not getting me anywhere.

How I wish I would not have shared with Blake and Allie what was happening just yet. I clearly made the wrong decision. They are very, very stressed and it is breaking my heart. I made the wrong judgement call and now I can't take it back.

I was so frightened that we might not be here when they came back from school earlier this week that it drove me to my decision. I didn't want them to be blindsided not knowing that anything was wrong and then for everything to be wrong all of a sudden.

We had a very, very rough morning. Probably the worst I can ever remember. All three of us were in tears and it was absolutely awful. Tears were shed over the silliest things. Dirty sweatshirts, misplaced belts, unfinished projects, hair, you name it and it was probably cried over. I am kicking myself for letting them know about Ash not being well at this time. The last thing the needed was additional stress as the semester is ending and they have lots of things looming above them. Their lighthearted, silly, happy go lucky attitudes have been no where in sight since Tuesday evening. I did that, and now I'm so, so sorry.

Dave tried to talk to them about it on the drive to school and shared with me that Blake broke down and cried then finally stated, "I'm just so stressed out about Ashley. I'm stressed that she's gonna be sick on another holiday and miss everything."

I just made the wrong call this time and now I'm wishing I could rewind and take it all back because even though I think I know what may happen it hasn't yet happened and this morning could of been avoided.

My heart hurts not for myself but for my kids. All three of them are hurting and I can't take it away from any of them. Parenting is hard, and sometimes you just make mistakes. Unfortunately this one was a big one and I have ruined the holidays and the excitement they were feeling. My hope and my prayer is that this will not happen to Ash and that we might still make it special for my kids. All 3 of them. Dollhouse, castle, vacation, and all.

And if that wasn't enough, I can only find one of my slippers, my right foot is freezing this morning, and I'm walking crooked as I switch laundry and make beds. Things are gonna have to turn around or I just might climb back in bed with Ash this morning. Surely we can salvage this day and make it good.

Ash is not great but ok. Pretty unhappy about the catheter and if she had any say in the matter she would have removed it by now. Instead she just keeps growling about it and I don't blame her one bit. We will be traveling back to Shreveport this afternoon to have it removed. Hopefully once that happens she'll be feeling much better. Were scheduled in clinic at 3pm. I'm doing my best not to think about the biopsies. The best case scenario would be to get no phone call at all. When they don't call then that means nothing is wrong. I'm hoping our phones won't be ringing at all.

Surely your day started better than ours. I mean, crying over a dirty sweatshirt? Come on. Life is too good to let that get to us. We've been through much worse.