Its a go

Tonight we are hanging here at home with Ash. After much discussion the decision was made to watch her through the night. They do not wish to expose her to anything else if possible to keep from doing so. I am so thankful they feel that way. If her fever spikes again or if the vomiting begins again then we will be directly admitted to the PICU in Shreveport. For now she is home and doing ok. Her tummy is cramping and her little eyes tell us she is not well. She continues to cough and have a runny nose. We can feel a rattle in her chest, but thankfully her breath sounds are fairly clear. Currently her fever is gone and she hasn't vomited since around noon. Her stool output is really high and that in conjunction with the cramping aren't good signs. At this time she is sitting in the middle of our bed watching her daddy hang her TPN.

Tomorrow morning we will be seen by a new surgeon who will assess her in clinic and decide if she is well enough to undergo anesthesia safely. Her respiratory status needs to be stable before intubating her.If she is then she will be scoped at some point tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully all goes well and we bring her back home and then wait for results from pathology in Omaha. We may know what direction her care is taking by Thursday or Friday evening. My gut instincts have kind of given me an answer already, but I haven't lost all hope just yet. I need to know what pathology sees on those tissue slides.

We chose for Dave's mom to sit with her this afternoon(Ash took a long nap. A couple of hours I think. She hasn't slept much in a few days) while I drove over to Blake's basketball game. Dave really wanted me to have the opportunity to watch him play in case I end up missing the rest of the season. It was nice to have the drive time with the kids. It gave me an opportunity to tell them what has been happening with their sister and what our plans will be if the results are not what we hope for. As always they amazed me with their responses and their incredible love for Ashley Kate.

I think I have gotten everything for the kids Christmas completed. Actually there is one more gift for Blake that hasn't arrived, but if we have to leave I think Dave can probably get it wrapped for me. I had planned on getting Ash a dollhouse but have decided it can wait until we find out if we will be celebrating here or not. I want to wait to purchase it until I know for sure that she will be able to enjoy it. Over the Thanksgiving holiday's she really loved my nieces and sat for hours playing with it, hugging it, and laying her little head inside of it(on the second floor). She scooted herself all the way across the room to get to it and spent the afternoon completely enthralled with it. If it has to wait until she is well again I suppose that will be ok. Anyway, the stocking stuffers are separated and labeled, the gifts are wrapped, the trip plans are finalized, and I don't think Dave will have trouble pulling it all off without me(if he has too). I'm really hoping to be here, but am preparing my heart in case I am not.

The children are all in bed and Hope is snoring next to me here on the couch. I'm off to go snuggle up next to Dave and just enjoy being home for another night. I have three hours to relax until its time to turn off her feeds and take down her replacement fluids. I'm gonna go concentrate on how good it feels to lay down in our bed and be thankful that I'm home tonight and that she is too.

God is still God and as I shared with Blake and Al tonight we have to remember that nothing takes Him by surprise. He already knows the path we are headed down and He understands how scared we are. Its ok for us to get angry, to hurt, to feel disappointed, and to not like this situation one little bit. After all we are sinners, we are human, we are not Him. We are the way we are because He created us with all of these feelings and emotions. Lucky for us He loves enough to understand when we are hurting. Goodnight my friends. I'm truly thankful for your presence in our lives and in hers. Trish