Compassion

I often wonder what this is doing to our big kids. My mother's heart hurts so deeply for my sweet Ashley and then it worries over the impact her struggles are having in the lives of Blake and Allie. How will they come out on the other side of all of this? Will there be anger? Resentment? Understanding? Compassion?

It doesn't take but a moment, the smallest of glances into the nursery, the playroom, or their very own bedrooms to see that our Ashley has won their hearts. The way they love her is beautiful. The burden they carry for her when she is ill is large. The conversations they have "with" her as if she could talk right back to them overwhelm my heart. They see nothing but beauty in their baby sister. She is perfect in their eyes and they protect her with a fierceness I have rarely seen in them. There are things you do not discuss about Ash in front of my children or they will defend and rise up and "fight".

Allison's tenderhearted compassion with Ashley Kate is enough to touch the hardest of hearts. Oh, the way she loves this little girl! She came to see with her own eyes what is being done to bring her sister home. Its not easy to listen to the tiny cries of Ashley Kate. Its not easy to watch as her face distorts in pain and wincing. . Its not easy look upon the swelling and distortion underneath the blankets. It is easy to love.

So Allie has taken it upon herself to be the one who stands by her bed and offers to her the tiniest of sips of water in the tiniest of med cups for the tiniest of baby sisters. I sit and watch and strain to hear the whispers she shares as she ministers to Ash with such compassion. The kisses she leans down and places on her head are the sweetest of acts. She rubs her tiny feet and swollen hands with lotion and adjusts blankets and pillows to give Ash the smallest of comforts.

I love my girls. I love that I have "the girls". I love that when Dave called this afternoon his first words to me were "how are our girls". I pray with my whole heart that we will be able to say every day for the rest of our lives "how are our girls."

This can not end any other way. I have to take her home. Please God, heal, protect, restore our littlest of the "girls" and comfort the heart of our biggest. Please.



I am afraid of what will happen. I am afraid. There is no denying that my heart is broken and begs for mercy for my daughter. I waited so long for her to be ours. We fought so hard to bring her home. Now we are fighting an even larger fight to keep her and eventually bring her back to her home.