She's bleeding extensively from her stoma. The bowel has lost 1000ccs of blood in the last 3 hours. Its so, so scary. Her entire stoma was covered with part of the mucosa from the interior walls of the bowel. It took my breath away as I cleaned it up. I know her bowel is not well. I know its trying to kill her. I know these things, but to watch my baby lose blood at this rate is more than I know what to do with. I can't even cry. There are no tears. None left. I'm just sitting here with nothing to give or nothing to offer. Its very, very surreal. I want to scream loud enough for the world to hear, "This is not fair, its not right. Her life is not supposed to end like this. Somebody STOP this. PLEASE!"

My sweet, beautiful Ashley. How do I tell you how much you mean to your mommy. How much you mean to our family. Ash you are changing this world. You are. Just by being the miracle that you are you have changed heart after heart. I need you to stay. I need you to heal. I need you. Please God heal her. Please. We aren't us without her. We will never be the same if you send us home without her. Do YOU know this? Are YOU listening? Do YOU see us hurt and cry and ache to our very cores? Where are YOU? I NEED YOU to be here and to be present. So real that I can feel you holding me, touching my Ashley, moving inside of her.

This is the scariest time of our lives. She's supposed to be 5 years old! She's not supposed to be lying her in this hospital tonight. This is not what we had dreamed for her. We are trying to protect her and spare her from this nightmare. Somebody help us!

How do you tell your 12 year old that her 4 your old sister may die? What was I supposed to say as the tears poured from her eyes and the pain in her heart was written across that beautiful face? Does anyone know the answer to a question like that? When she shared how afraid she was that Ashley Kate may die all I could do was say that daddy and I were too. What kind of answer is that? Its horrible. This is so awful. My Ashley is fighting. She is amazing. She is brave. She is strong. She is so, so sweet. If only you could witness her courage. If only you could see her little hands ask so sweetly for water. If only each of you could know how truly wonderful this little girl is and how valuable she is to this world. She is my hero. I have never known another to be all that she is.

So much is happening. Her eyes are oozing yellow fluid from the back up of bile in her liver as it struggles to keep up with all the blood products we are slamming it with. Her little face is so beautiful as I wipe her eyes clean. She peeks out at me and I know how grateful she is for me to help her. I can see it in her eyes. She speaks to me with those amazing eyes of hers.


We are struggling to get blood from her. Struggling. With 4 procedures. 3 surgical, 1 at the bedside and we still struggle to get blood from my tiny girl. The lab is calling for more. I just don't know how to get it? I truly don't know what else they can do.

Pray. If you would please pray.