Missed

Dear Ashley you are so missed. As you lay resting so close to us but still so very far away do you know how much mommy and daddy have missed you? We sit next to your bed each day just waiting for you to return. I want so desperately to see your chest rise and fall with each of your own breaths. I want so desperately to see you return. If only we could see a glimmer of you in your eyes. One glance, one brief sparkle would be a healing sav on our wounded souls. I know you are inside there. I know you are. Your absence is temporary. It's for your safety and your healing that we have agreed to allow this at this time in your recovery.

Ash you came so close to leaving us. I was so afraid to breathe another breath if you were not able to breathe too. So afraid as the moments passed that a moment would come and you would not be in it. Praise God sweet Ashley Kate that you are still here. How could i have called your daddy and told him you had been lost? My soul was tortured that morning. As you laid swollen, discolored and still I shook inside. My eyes failed to close for fear of you slipping from this world into eternity if I slept.

Ashley Kate, daddy and I believe in you. We feel so strongly that you will come home with us. You will. It didn't happen today, and it won't be tomorrow. But... The day will come that I will carry you back into our home and we will begin to fight our way back to retrieving your sweet life. Your happy, innocent, precious days. Ash, mommy doesn't know how many more days we will have together but I do know that we will give you the best we have to offer. If it be 10 or 10,000 we will stop at nothing to make them count. You are missed my sweet girl. Come back to us. Breathe again. The moment that you do we are going home. I promise.



It is not intentional that we are staying away. We have no ability to access this journal from the hospital. If we could give updates on her status daily we would even if it were just stating the facts. I'm not hiding. Not trying to be unkind to the thousands of you who have loved our baby over the years. Just in an impossible situation right now. On the nights that Dave drives over we share on his phone. On the weekends we will do the same. I promise you that. Ash is beginning to wake from the paralytic. We have seen her eyes open and tonight she did clumsily sign for water. It blessed our hearts to see that her mind is still functioning and cognitive. She is in there. She has a long way to go. A week or more of weaning before any attempt at removing the vent will be made. It is one of the hardest things we've ever done to see her back in this condition, but we still firmly believe in her ability to win this battle choir prayers are coveted at this time in our lives. Much of what we hold dear is crumbling but we are as united as we have ever been. We are a family of five and we plan to fight to stay that way for as long as God allows. Goodnight and bless you for your encouraging words. We love you.