Breaking Hearts

Tonight as we learn of another loss of one of our own in the bowel transplant community our hearts are breaking. Again. It hurts so very much. Please remember this family in your prayers.

We fight so hard for our children. We battle the unthinkable and live like there is no tomorrow. Why? Because in our worlds there literally may not be a tomorrow. As parents we will them to stay, will them to fight, will them to win the battle, and yet at the time God chooses to take them unto Himself we can do nothing but surrender our most precious children unto Him.

Every day I question myself, question my decisions, my choices at this time for our Ashley and I am left with no clear answers or direction. All I do know is that for this night she is resting safely in her bed and within arms reach. I can touch her skin, smell her hair, kiss her cheeks, and hold her close. I don't know what tomorrow will hold or when she will enter back into the battle for her life, but today I listened to her giggle, and I watched her smile, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I tucked her into her bed knowing that we made it one more day. Thank God for one more day.

I'm tired of watching children whom I love die. I'm tired of our hearts breaking. I'm tired.