Back to the ICU

Today has not been the best day here in Omaha. Around 4:30 things began to get very scary for Ash. We have been brought back down to the ICU to try and figure out what is happening in Ashley's little body. She has already been put through so much and we haven't even been here for 2 hours. Ashley's body is exhausted and no matter what they tried to help her with today nothing has worked so far. They are trying to decide to if they will put Ash back on a ventilator. She is struggling to breathe and they are afraid she may just get too tired to continue. They will be watching her to make a decision later on tonight. Ash has been poked and cathed and everything else you can imagine. The difference in the floors are night and day. Aunt Rae is having to experience things I had hoped her tender heart would not have to see. She loves Ashley so much and I know this is very hard on her. As a mommy I am trying to learn that this is what my Ashley's life will be like from now on. We will never when it will be a good day or a bad day. I wish I could spare her all the pain she is experiencing. I want to scream and cry out for help for her. My heart is breaking because I am helpless. All I can do is try and hold her tiny hands and give her comfort. I know she is scared by the look in her eyes. She is pleading for me to help her and I can't. If only I could take her place. I am getting just a small glance into what it may have been like for the Father as He watched His children slipping away. He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to take our place on the cross. I love my sweet Ashley enough to lay there for her. How I wish I was the one they were hurting. My heart is so very heavy as I watch her struggle. God please, please help her.

This is Ashley's chance to live and she is fighting as hard as her tiny little body can. Please remeber to pray for her tonight. We value your prayers more than anything you could give or do for us. I know our Father was not caught off gaurd this evening. I know He has a plan and He is working it. I don't doubt any of the things my heart believes, but I am scared for my baby and I am tired. I pray I can receive that peace that seems to numb my fears and His strength to make it through another day. I am blessed beyond measure to be her mommy and I love her with more love than I ever knew I could love someone. He is growing us. I know it.