Hurting Hearts

Tonight as I sit down to tell you the next part of Ashley's story my heart hurts so very much for a family I have watched over the last two weeks. I just talked to the mom and dad of a little boy named Jeremiah. He is the one who was in surgery the other night when the dinner arrived from Carmela's office. Things have not gone well for him. He just came back up from the OR where they found that the blood supply to his intestine has shut off. They are planning to take him back into surgery early in the morning to see if any of the bowel survives. He received a new liver but not an intestine in the transplant. The surgeon who is the same surgeon that did Ashley's transplant has not given the family much hope. They have all (including the surgeon) been caught off gaurd tonight. My heart breaks to hear the fear in their voices and I know they are facing the longest night of their lives. All I could do was assure them that I loved them and that I would be praying for their little boy tonight. I also told them that I would ask all of you to lift him up in your prayers tonight. As hard as today has been for myself and Ashley, their day has been harder. I can only be grateful for the place that I find myself in with my Ashley tonight. I will never know what the purpose behind all of this suffering is, but I must believe that there is one. Our Father who loves us also loves our children and I know that He is good, and faithful, and merciful, and just. As much as I know God loves and takes care of Ashley, I also know that He loves little Jeremiah just as much. I don't have any answers for the situation we find ourselves in with our children, but I have chosen to love and cherish and try to make every moment with our sweet Ashley last forever in my memory. I don't want to forget anything about any of this experience. Ashley is a gift from God to me and I know we are not here in Omaha, Nebraska for nothing. This is not an accident in our lives, but part of His plan. I pray that I am able to do what we were sent here to do. I pray that my mind and heart will not be so absorbed with the negatives that I miss out on the positive things that He is doing for us. I am not Ashley's mommy by accident. I didn't just end up with this amazing little person in my heart and in my family. God has been preparing me and leading me up to this moment for 13 years. What can I learn from my daughter and her suffering? What part of her life and mine can be used to touch others? What am I supposed to do while we are here away from our home and our family? I have so many questions and I am relying on Him to show me the answers.

Ashley is trying to rest tonight. She did manage to get in a couple of hours of sleep. They have us in isolation once again because they do not know what is makeing her sick. I hope that they begin to see something by morning so we can know what to do for her. Tonight I want to thank God for giving me another day with Ashley. I want to thank Him for letting me hold her hand for another day. I want to thank Him again and again for allowing me to be her mommy. I want to tell Him thank you for creating her exactly as He did. I want to thank Him for giving her life and for letting me share in it. I want to thank Him for the outpouring of support we receive from our family, from our friends,and from the many strangers who are becoming close friends and family to us. He is still God, and He is still good. I love you all. Trish