Shame on Me!!
Please let me apologize for allowing myself to fall in to the deep, dark pit of self pity!! How ashamed I am after re-reading my post last night. I absolutely have no right to feel so sad. I am nothing but blessed in this life. How I wish I could go back and erase the ugliness that flowed out of me. I am so sorry for causing any of you to feel sorry for us. God is good to us on the sad days and on the happy days. He is good to us on the hard days and on the easy days. He is good to us no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in, and I owe Him more than what I gave yesterday. So let me please say I am sorry, please forgive me, and lets start concentrating on our blessings now that this is behind us.
This morning I found myself rocking the most beautiful baby. She was cuddled up on my chest and holding tightly to my neckalace. I was able to feel her breathing so peacefully as we rocked and I thanked God for allowing her to come of the ventilator and oxygen. As I soaked in her baby fresh smell I could not help but shed tears for my fellow parents who lost the battles for the lives of their children this past week. How blessed I am to still be in the fight. I pray that I will never take for granted the place that I am in. I know of so many amazing parents who would gladly trade places with me so that they could rock their little ones just once more. How blessed I am. I am blessed to be her mommy. I am blessed to have her to hold. I am blessed to be the recipient of another family's kindness in the midst of their grief. I am blessed to have a husband who cares so much about my broken heart to call this morning to see if there is anything he could do to make it easier. I am blessed to have so many who love my Ashley enough to check in on her daily and to pray for her constantly. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends. I am blessed to have amazing sisters and sisters-in-laws who come to my rescue. I am blessed to have such strong, centered, talented, beautiful, children to call mine. I am blessed He forgives me when I fail to see all that I am blessed with. I am blessed, blessed, blessed, and today I will concentrate on those blessings. Thanks for loving me even when I don't deserve to be listened to and loved.
Ashley will have a scope of her new bowel today, and we all know how much she loves to help with the instrument. I am praying she feels good enough to give them a hard time. I think she is more comfortable than yesterday and I am so very thankful for that. Ash's blood pressure is trending up so they will begin a new med today to help with that. Her labs are the same and we are praying to feed her soon to help her liver enzymes come down. We appreciate all you do. Your love, support, encouragement, and prayers are keeping us going . Thank you for sticking with us as we walk the long road home back to Longview. God Bless you all. Love, Trish