The Cycle
Once again we are witnessing the cycle of life and death here in the PICU. How my heart breaks each time one of these little ones passes from here. Tonight my heart is heavy as everyone waits for the time to come. I will never understand His reasons and it will never become easy for me to accept the passing of a child. I just have to rest in the knowledge that our Father is kind and merciful and just. I know that He controls our every breath.
As I watch my sweet Ashley "sleep" I am just grateful that she is here with me. I want so desperately for her to be one of the ones who make it through this process. I feel inside of me that God has a plan for Ashley and I now sit and daydream of toddler hood, kindergarten, birthday parties, christmas, and so much more. I pray with all that is inside of me for Him to allow my sweet little one to grow up. I don't know if it is wrong for me to ask this or if it is selfish that I desire for my daughter to live when so many others are not, but I can't help but fight for every breath and every moment. Please God bring her through with another and another and another miracle.
A very special charm was sent to me to wear from someone back home that says, "Expect a miracle". It is made by the jeweler James Avery who happens to be my absolute favorite. Outside of my wedding ring I wear nothing else. My sisters and I along with my brother's wife have worn a special heart charm around our necks for years. All of our daughter's have them as well (Ashley's Uncle Gene bought hers for her when she was born). It is worn to remind us that no matter where we are in life, or no matter what we do, we have a group of very special women who God gave to us to always support us and lift us up in prayer. I cherish the bond this neckalace has signified between us all. We have now added the "expect a miracle" charm to our neckalaces and we are believing in this message. Thank you Celena for your gift to me and for the message of hope it is bringing to my life. Ash is a miracle, and I am believing He has more miracles in store for her.
I can't thank you enough for praying Ash and I through another day. You will never know how very much you have carried me. Your prayers are more valuable than anything in this world. Hold your loved ones close tonight. Let them know how special they are and how very much He loves them. Kiss your babies while they sleep and thank Him for another day.
posted by Ashley @ 8:58 PM
3 Comments:
I can't imagine what each parent that loses a child goes through.....but I do know that the Father knows exactly how that feels.....and how to comfort each one that does go through that great loss. We will be praying for all the families there in the PICU tonight, as well as the ones all over the world who have suffered that very loss.
You are not being selfish at all wanting Ashley to grow up. As parents we all want to see our children grow up, and see what God has in store for their futures. I don't think we are ever wrong in asking the Father for our heart's desires.....especially when it comes to our children. Besides, He knows what burdens are on our heart's before we even speak them. It makes us human to want only the best for our children. I sometimes hear of people talking about unanswered prayer....that is just not the case at all. Each prayer is always answered just not in our time or the way we want. God can answer with no, yes, or not just yet.....I am so thankful that the Father knows exactly what is going on in all our lives, with Him in control, we don't have to worry or be afraid.....believe me I still worry, but when I really start thinking about who holds me in the palm of His hands, it is much easier to give it all to Him. We will be praying for you guys, I know things are horribly stressful right now, but there are prayers being sent to the Father on your behalf every moment of every day. Much love and prayers.
Hoping that "your guys" made it there safely & that your getting some rest.... sorry to hear about the PICU & the emotional...situations that unfold daily there....I couldn't work there...it has to be (a calling) to be there on staff....& work with such fragile little angels. I will check on you & your gang in the morning. Night....night sweet ashley...Hugs from Texas.
I hope that you all got a good nights rest. I can'timagine trying to sleep every night in the hospital for as long as you have....but maybe now that David is there you can once aqain get some sleep.
I hope that Ashley's swelling goes down today, and that she starts to like more like herself every day. We will be praying that God allows her to wake up soon, and start her little games again. Much love and prayers.
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