Wondering

Tonight as Ashley sleeps I find myself just wondering. I am wondering how she seems to know that tomorrow she will need all the strength she can gather to heal from another trip to the OR? I am wondering how long will our time be in this unit and what are we supposed to accomplish while we are here? Who are we going to meet and what impact will her life have on theirs? I am wondering how someone so little can endure something that is just so big? I am wondering where Ash and I will live once she is strong enough to go? I am wondering how will we ever figure out how to live outside of this hospital after being under its watchful eye for so long? I am wondering if things will be harder or easier on the kids once Ash and I move back home? I am wondering how the relationship between Dave and I will change and grow as I am away for so long? I am wondering what kind of person will I be at the end of this road that I am on? I am wondering how long it will be until my sweet Ashley can look back on this time and realize the purpose it served in her life? I am wondering if she and Blake and Allie will ever know how very much they are loved? I am wondering if our family will ever know what it feels like to be normal again?

After wondering all of these things and not knowing what will happen to my Ashley tomorrow or in the future, I am finding comfort in knowing the One who nevers has to wonder. He never spends one moment wondering how this journey for us will end. He never has to think about tomorrow or what it holds for me and my family. He has already written all of the pages to Ashley's story and He doesn't wonder how it will unfold. I know that as He writes her story He is also writing upon the pages of my heart. He is molding me and teaching me through every event of her life. He is using my daughter to show me how to have the "child like" faith that He writes about in His word.

So tonight as I lay my head down to sleep I will not have to wonder if He is there or if He is watching over her. I will just rest in the knowledge that He is who He says, and that He does what He says He will do. I will drift off to sleep in peace as He lays my mind to rest and to no longer wonder. I can trust Him for He has proven that He is trust worthy. Good night and may He lay your mind to rest as well. No longer to wonder but to trust and rest in the knowledge that He never spends one moment wondering.