Things are Rising
We just came into Ashley's room from lunch and found "them" outside in the hall discussing her rising blood pressures and heart rate. Anytime I come around the corner and see them outside talking I know things are not good. When I saw the monitor and saw that her heart rate was above 190 mine began to immediately beat faster. Something is causing this rise, but what is it? They had just administered a new blood pressure med trying to lower it. I hope this is the cause, but they don't seem to think it is. Her fluid status is all over the place and they are desperately trying to get the fluid to shift back into her vessels. They turned off the paralytic this morning and she is now fidgeting and beginning to jerk around. Obviously I am concerned and when things like this begin to happen I get so nervous. I am having a difficult time juggling my emotions and trying to protect the kids from realizing that we are concerned. I am feeling very torn at this moment. The good news is that she is making progress on the vent and if tomorrow's x-ray looks good then they plan on weaning her off of the ventilator which means she could actually be awake and breathing on her own by Christmas. What an answer to prayer this would be for all of us. Blake and Allison are fervently praying this prayer. At every meal, at bed time, when they visit with her in her room they are asking God to please let Ashley be awake so that she will know they came to spend Christmas with her. At one point this week I would have never thought this possible, but now it is looking like He may answer their prayer with the answer they have been seeking. Please join us in praying that His will be done and that if it is safe for Ash to be awake that she will be.
Let me take a moment to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each of you who have been so very generous to me and my family. It seems that almost daily something arrives for the children to help make this a memorable holiday season. I am humbled by your willingness to give and by your generosity. God has used His body of believers to touch my family and we will never be the same. If only I could thank you appropriately and help you to understand how very much each of your prayers, gifts, thoughtfullness, kindness, and support means to David and I. There are no words to describe the debt of gratitude I feel towards all of you. Please accept my sincerest THANK YOU and know how very much I love you for loving Him enough to love my Ashley, my Allie, and my Blake. You are helping to make this a very Merry Christmas for us all. The gift I appreciate the most is knowing how very much you all care.
Allie and I stayed up until 1:30 this morning stringing popcorn and cranberry garlands. We so enjoyed sitting together and laughing and talking late into the night. She is beautiful and precious and so very grown up. Blake was too tired and decided to go to bed early. This morning when he woke and realized there was still more to be done tonight I could see the smile in his eyes. David and I have been trying to get the children to give us some idea of what they might like to have for Christmas. After trying for such a long time, I finally said "it is o.k. to want something and we are asking you what you would like to have for yourselves." Blake finally ansered me and said, "Mom, what can I say? We are not greedy. You have raised us right!" Dave and I were so tickled by this statement and touched at the same time. Unfortunately we find ourselves in the same dilemma hoping we have chosen things they will like.
I am looking forward to the "grandmas" arriving this evening. I find myself feeling very torn if I leave Ashley in her room to spend time with the kids, or if I leave the kids in the waiting room and spend time with Ashley. I think I will be more comfortable when I know that we will have someone here to sit with Ash while we sneek away to a movie, or to dinner or something. Thank you all for loving us and for visiting Ashley's story today. We will be posting new pictures and video of our sweet girl just as soon as I can find where I have placed the appropriate cords during my last move. Thank for your patience. Take care and God Bless.