Things I Know, and things I don't
I know that He loves me, but I don't know why.
I know that we will get through today, but I don't yet know how.
I know that She will come back again, but I don't know when.
I know that I need to pray, but I don't know what else to say.
I know that she can't breathe, but I don't know why.
I know that I need to prepare Blake and Allie, but I don't know what to say.
I know that there is a plan, but I can't see what it is.
I know that it is Christmas time, but I don't know how to celebrate.
I know that she wants me to hold her, but I don't know when I can.
I know that my heart breaks again and again, but I don't know when it will heal.
I know that I am thankful for her life, but I don't know if I tell Him enough.
I know that I am not alone, but I don't know why I feel so lonely.
I know that this is a long road, but I don't when it will lead us home.
I know that we have been seeking His will, but I don't know if we have found it.
Again I feel as though I am trying to pick myself up off of the ground and figure out which way I am supposed to go now. This morning I have spent too much time second guessing our decisions. I thought we were seeking His will, but sometimes I wonder if we have listened close enough. I pray that if mistakes were made that His mercy will intercede. It is so very hard to know if we have done the right things. I do not question Him, but I do question myself. Have I done something wrong to cause this road to be so long and so hard. I pray that He will show me if I can change anything inside of me. My heart breaks for my Ashley.
As hard as things have been in our room this morning, it is still harder for others. I am watching my sweet friend prepare to say good-bye to her baby. I can't imagine what she is going through. I watch from a distance and pray for her wishing I could change things for them. My heart is sad that she will not be here to watch grow up with my Ashley. How I wished for them to come back year after year and reunite. How I wished they could become sweet friends. Please pray for baby Chloe and her family. Today and the upcoming holidays will be very hard on them.
Thank you so much for checking on Ashley today. You will never know how much each of you mean to us during this recovery. I know it isn't easy to hear such discouraging reports especially at this time of the season. I apologize if things seem sad all of the time. I hope you can pick through the bad and feel the joy that we experience with our Ashley. She is amazing, and she is so worth it! I love you guys. Take care.
posted by Ashley @ 1:51 PM
5 Comments:
i'm sorry to hear about chloe...my heart goes out to her family. i am praying for them all!! i'm praying for some form of peace for them...peace that may seem impossible ...but that God is indeed capable of supplying. may they be surrounded by HIS love ...and may you also feel his peace and love..and yes..even his joy ...flooding your soul!!! God is soo merciful and kind!!! HIS grace is sufficient...HIS love is contagious...i'm so glad to hear you have spread HIS love!!
Dearest Trish,
Our hearts ache along with you and Dave. As you have stated, there are many things that you know but then there are many things you do not know. It's always the not knowing that is the hardest to endure, especially when it comes to one of our loved ones and family. It has to be even harder when it concerns a precious little one, in this case Ashley and Chole. I think this may be the time when our faith is tested, when our trust is tested and how we respond to these tests that either gets us through it all or, heaven forbid, destroys us.
You have been faithful to the Father, you have trusted the Father and you must not let Satan get his stronghold on you. You and your family have been through more in the last year than a lot of people go through in a lifetime, some that never go through these kinds of situations.
Our hearts break along with yours for all that little Ashley's Story has taken you through on this journey, all the ups and downs the valleys and the mountain tops, the knowns and the unknowns. But one thing I am certain of is that many, many, many lives have been affected through her story. You have been a strong testimony for the Lord. You have been a strong witness for the Lord right there in Omaha...to the medical staff, to the patients and to many people who come to this website.
None of us have the answers to your unknowns but we will continue to pray to the Almighty Father on your behalf that He will give you all the tools that are necessary to uphold you, to guide you, to give you the answers when talking to Blake and Allie, to give you the strength to endure whatever is to come, but most of all, we will never cease to pray for Ashley and for God's will for her life. We are here for you. We love you all.
Sorry, my recent comment didn't post so I'm just letting you know I'm continuing to pray~~~
Don't know if it would help, but I wish I could give you a big hug.
Sometimes I think we think God's will for a situation is just one big revelation waiting to be discovered when really it's a process where we're learning multiple things all at once, but they won't make any sense until all the events have played themselves out. It's like the only way to have the right context for it to make sense is by living the experiences we haven't had yet. Just like you could only guess what being a Mom would be like until you actually got to be one. I think it's easy to beat ourselves up when we're so tired. But at least on the blog, you seem to be walking right in line with God. I believe if you were out of His will to the extent you're worried about, His Holy Spirit would faithfully make it clear. Your heart is obviously to seek Him and He promises if you seek you will find. I thiink it's hard when His will is simply to WAIT. THE HARDEST. And I know I'm the first to forget it when I'm the one in the middle not looking in from the outside. As for worrying you're somehow hurting our holidays by making us sad - the DAY is not what's important. The spirit of the celebration is. I know God would rather us lift up our brother and sister in their time of need than to have perpetual merriment on a particular day even if it is Christmas. For the Christian, Christmas really should be all year long. This trial you're in is NOW. And God knows that because He ordained it. Please don't feel guilty for the timing of problems far out of your control. (Just remind me all this when it's my turn because I'll surely forget :) Please know I'll be praying for baby chloe and her family. I have so much sympathy but I know I can never truly know the pain of a situation I've never been in. I just know I hurt for my brother and his family to go through so much. And I hurt to see how the enemy is so sly to try to mess with your heads when you are so tired. You are doing a good job looking to God. Remember, even a steady faith is His to give. He understands you have to pray for that. It's not a failure to need Him to keep your faith up for you. Even Jesus asked God to give Him strength. ALL good things come from Him! Even the keeping of our faith is His achievement! If you would, please tell Ashley I love her. I haven't gotten near enough time with her, but just because she's yours and David's, she's important to me.
I pray for Ashley everyday, but I'm praying especially fervently now--and for you and Dave, too. I pray that peace and joy come soon.
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