I Love his Hands

Let me just say how very much I love to come to our journal and see my sweet Ashley holding on to her daddy's hand. This is one of my favorite photos and I am so grateful to those who made it possible for our journal to be changed into something that just seems so "Ashley". This photograph was taken the morning after Ashley underwent her transplant surgery. There have been many, many days since this picture was taken that the only part of her we have been able to hold was her tiny little hand.

I have always loved David's hands. His hands are the ones that reached out to hold mine on our very first date (please don't share this with Allison). His hands are the ones who held and rocked our three precious babies late into the night. His hands are the ones that have clipped countless numbers of tiny fingernails because I have always been to scared I would hurt the children if I did it. His hands are the ones that applaud our children for all of their efforts in all of their endeavors. His hands are the ones who have brought strength to our family. His hands are the ones who have learned to blow dry our daughter's hair and put it up in pony tails. His hands are the ones who have spent countless hours throwing a baseball to our son so that his dreams might one day come true. His hands are the ones that can make me feel safe in uncertain times. His hands are the ones God has blessed with a talent to be used to support our family. His hands are the ones that I love.

Once again we are in the place where all we can hold are Ashley's hands. She so sweetly grips on to my finger as she lays there sleeping on the ventilator. They have decided not to paralyze her this time, but she is sedated. She has been awake a little this evening and has been reaching out for her picture of Blake and Allison. She grabbed a hold of it with both hands stretched out over the vent. You can see the love and recognition in her eyes as she studies the photogaph. How I pray she will come off of the vent before Christmas. They just want to hold her and I know she wants to hold them back. Only the Father knows where we will be a week from today. Sometimes I wish I could see what He sees, and then there are times where I am content to just sit back and allow Him to do what He will do. I am disappointed by the events of today, but I am trying to remain strong. I did cry while they were placing the tube in Ashley's throat and again when I tried to talk about how Blake and Allie would handle the disappointment of not seeing Ashley off of the vent. I decided to remind myself that His word tells me that the events of today are enough and that I should not worry about what tomorrow will bring. I think I will rest in this tonight because I am so very tired.

I appreciate those of you who continue to journey with us through Ashley's story. Your support and your prayers are what I draw strength from all throughout the day and night. How blessed I am that you have taken the time to love our sweet Ashley. As you pray for Ashley tonight will you please say a prayer for our friend Chloe. She is very sick tonight and my heart breaks over her struggle. Thank you for coming back for more and more and more. Your endurance is inspiring to me. I hope to be sharing a happier piece of Ashley's story with you very soon. He is still God, and He is still bigger than this struggle. I am "expecting a miracle" to take place in her life. Good night and may He bless you.