Under His Care

If only I could write every page of Ashley's story for you all to read then you would truly see that her life is nothing but miraculous. Yesterdays and today's events have only added to my reverence for an almighty God who loves the tiniest of His Creation. Every day of Ashley's life He has been there protecting her and taking care of her. Once again He has shown me that even though I don't know what tomorrow holds He does and He is there taking care of things.

Please bare with me as I go back over the last few weeks of Ashley's care. A CT scan was done looking for evidence of a possible mold infection that had grown out on a culture that was sent 7 days prior. During the CT scan 2 nodules were noted and reported as mold. Last week it was discussed whether or not she should go to CT to follow up on the mold. It was decided to wait for another week and give the anti-biotic a full 2 weeks to work. Yesterday we went to CT and while looking for the mold (that was probably never there in the first place) they found an accumulation of fluid around Ashley's heart. This fluid would not have been there the week before and therefore we would have had no need to go to CT this week. An echo was then done and it was decided that because of her respiratory status quickly dwindling the fluid must be removed from around her heart immediately. During the attempt to drain the fluid Ashley went into Cardiac Arrest and began to code. CPR was started and she was re-intubated with the ventilator. She remained stable through most of the night, but early this morning we noticed a change in her blood pressures. They were rapidly dropping. A second echo was done and a blood clot was then detected. The top pediatric heart surgeon in the area was called in and he took my Ashley down to the operating room and removed the very things that were trying to take her life. God has done big, big things over the last couple of weeks and even though I may never understand the whys of all of this I know He is in control.

Today He spared my sweet Ashley and she is now resting stable on the vent. She is still very, very ill. While recovering from this heart operation she is struggling with her lungs. They have taken a huge hit and she has a battle to fight. Although she looks bad, she still looks so much better than she did last night or this morning.

Some people may not understand why we pray or why we believe in a God who you cannot see, but when you meet my Ashley you will leave with the knowledge that He is real and He is alive and He loves us. My faith has nothing to do with my religion. My faith is not based on my good works. My faith does not come from attending the church. The one thing I pray that people can take away from my Ashley's story and her struggles is this; Faith is based on the relationship. It is my relationship with Christ that allows me to believe that the God of the universe loves me. I will never be a perfect person. I will continue to make mistakes throughout my life, but I have a God who forgives me, who loves me, and who takes care of my baby.

My Ashley Kate is here and so many are not. Another child has died this hour in the PICU and I know that I could be standing in the same place as her parents are. I am thankful for each breath. I am thankful for each smile. I am thankful for each and every ounce of "trouble" that my baby can muster. I am thankful for another day to be her mommy. I am thankful for her life because I know that is a gift. I am thankful to be under His care.

Your prayers are so precious and they are carrying me through. I love you for loving my baby. How could I ever say thank you enough for the difference you are making in my life and in Ash's. I pray that each and every one of you will find yourselves "Under His Care" today and always. Love, Trish