Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/21/2007

Missing Out

Tomorrow is my Allison's 9Th birthday. As I sit here in this hospital room 700 miles away from that beautiful girl my heart can't help feeling broken. I love that little girl with all of my heart. From the day she was born we knew she would be trouble with a capital T! She has not disappointed, but along with all the trouble comes a wonderful spirit of independence. I love to just sit and watch her. I love to listen to her talk. Her goals and her dreams may seem silly to some, but her passion makes me want to see her succeed. She has beauty that is undeniable. Talents that inspire me. Humor that tickles me. A sweetness tucked deep inside the tenderest of hearts. An innocence that is precious. My prayer is that my sweet Allison will have the most special of days. I pray that her day is filled with happiness, with sweetness, with special memories. I pray that she will know how very much she is loved. Allie, I love you. I am proud of who you are. You my sweet girl are my best friend and I wish you the happiest of birthdays.

My Ashley and I are hoping that there will not be any more birthdays or special days that we have to miss out on. She is trying so very hard to make it back home and I pray that we will be there soon. Missing out on Blake and Allison's birthdays are some of the hardest things I have ever done. I just know that a mom is supposed to be there.

We have decided to take Allie's party to my sisters homes in Oklahoma where they will fill in for me. When Allie found out her Aunt Toni and her Aunt Kathy throwing her slumber party she told me, "thats the next best thing to having you!" Thanks guys for filling in for me. I love you both! (don't forget to take lots of pictures) Dave is planning on snuggling in next to Al in the morning and singing happy birthday to her. I wish I could be there to hear that! Please pray he doesn't damage her little ears. Tomorrow night he will be taking her out for a date night. Putt Putt and Pappacitas are on the agenda. She is so excited.

These days are hard for our family as we struggle to keep our family going while living so far apart, but we know in our hearts that His plan is in the works. We will survive this time and the five of us will be stronger because of it. We would do anything for any of our chuldren, and we are so blessed to have been chosen to parent these amazing young people. We love you all and we are forever in your debt. Thanks for loving a little pickle and her family.

9 Comments:

At 11:18 PM , Anonymous Nikki said...

I am ignorant to understand so much of what you are going through, but to a smaller extent, this is one I can understand. I am sorry. I know you are strong in knowing there is a purpose, but I also know how very hard it is as a mom to miss these kinds of things. I will be praying for Allie that above all tomorrow she recognizes your heart is very much wherever she is. I have a feeling all of next year's celebrations are going to be over the top!!! And besides tomorrow being Allie's Big Day, it it also one day closer to being home, where you belong.

 
At 11:19 PM , Blogger Grandma Cathy said...

Trish,

I am so sorry to hear that you will be so far away from your little girl on her birthday. My heart hurts for you. After reading Ashley's story though and feeling the love flow off the pages I'm sure Allie knows that her mommy loves her and that if you could be there you would. Hang in there and know that I will pray for you off and on tomorrow!!

 
At 11:28 PM , Anonymous Janiece Baldwin said...

I am praying for Ashley's little body to withstand all the high doses of the chemo and that she will have none of the major side effects. I am praying that there will be no other complications of any kind so that the two of you will be able to get back home in a timely manner. Lord, please let it be Your divine will that these two be reunited with their family and that great healing will come throughout Ashley's precious little body.

I know that being separated from their mom for these last 5 months have not been easy for Blake and Allie. But, then this journey had to be taken and Ashley could not travel this road without her mommy being by her side. While this has been hard for Dave, Blake and Allie, it has been harder for Trish and Ashley. They are the ones who have been uprooted from their home, their familiar surroundings and their church family. What a blessing that Nan could come and stay during this time to help take care of her grandchildren. This has to be a very good thing, huh, Dave?

All that to say, Allie, I wish you a happy birthday, girl. Just know that many will be praying for you. I hope you have a good time on your "date" with Dad and also in Oklahoma this weekend for your big birthday celebration. I think it is really neat that Aunt Toni and Aunt Kathy are having a big slumber party. That should really be a lot of fun. I hope that Grandma and Nan will enjoy the trip and that Nan will be blessed by seeing her other daughters and grandchildren. We can't always get or have everything just like we would hope to have it, but we have to work through the kinks and just know that we are loved and that God wants us to love others. Nite-nite and may God fill you with restful sleep. Love to all~~
P.S. Glad that Blake, Allie and Nan are all feeling much better, Thank You, Lord, for your mercy.

 
At 11:41 PM , Blogger Overwhelmed! said...

Trish,

I'm sorry you can't be present for Allie's birthday. She sounds like a very special little girl and it's quite clear that she's very loved, as I'm sure she knows.

Question for you, are you and Ashley at Children's Hospital in Omaha? How long do you expect to be there, or do you know?

We're moving back to Nebraska in a month's time. If you're still there, I'd love to come and meet you in person and lighten your load in some way. I could sit with Ashley while you run errands, I could bring you food, or I could just sit in companionable silence and keep you company, if visitors are allowed.

I know you don't know me, but I feel as though I've gotten to know you and your family quite well through your blog. I would love to help in some small way.

Please feel free to email me at adoptive_mom_1@yahoo.com.

 
At 8:04 AM , Blogger crygibb said...

Happy Birthday to Allie! I hope she has a wonderful day.

 
At 8:27 AM , Blogger Susan said...

Happy Birthday, Allie! What an amazing family Allie has! Everyone pitching in to make her day the best it can be. How loved she is! Trish, my heart is with you. Your heart desires to be with all of your family, but God has called you to be in Omaha with Ashley. Answering a call does not mean it is not without sacrifice. God will reward you for being faithful to your call and your family for all they have endured. He is wonderfully amazing!

 
At 8:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, Trish. I missed by daughter's 17th birthday while I sat in the hospital by my mother's side. What a terrible, torn, feeling. It was so hard not to feel a little resentful which only led to guilt. Happily, both my mother and my daughter lived through it. I am praying for you and Allie today.

 
At 8:48 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLIE!!

It is hard to be separated from those that you love on special occassions, no matter what the circumstances. Just this last week my family and I celebrated my adoption day with me 300 miles apart at graduate school. But they still found a way to make it special for me (by schemeing with a friend of mine for lunch and balloons). No, it wasn't the same as it's been in years past, but it reminded me that distance can't keep a true family apart. And if there's one thing I've learned from reading your blog the past few months, it's that your family knows the true meaning of sacrifice and love. What important lessons your children are learning at such young ages and what wonderful people they will turn out to be because of those lessons.

 
At 9:10 AM , Blogger Karen said...

Trish, I know you heart hurts so much missing Allie's birthdays. But it sounds like your sisters will do a great job of making her birthday as special as it can be without you there. I will pray for a very special blessing for both of you in spite of the sad part of your hearts! Love and blessings to you, Karen

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home