Disaster Avoided?

Well I would like to tell you that I have this life of mine all together. I would like to tell you what a wonderful mommy I am. I would like to tell you that after 19 months I have figured out how to raise this pickle of mine and how to take care of all of her stuff, but that would be a big fat LIE! Last night we nearly had an all out disaster on our hands. If Dave had not been here with me then we would for sure have been re-admitted to the hospital, but thanks to his calm demeanor and level-headed thinking we avoided disaster (or at least part it).

As I laid my little Ashley down in the crib to change her and clean up her ostomy I turned to go into the bathroom to grab her disposal cup when something long and stretchy decided to follow me. Can you guess what it was? Let me describe it for you. It is very long, it stretches, it feeds my little one, it is(or was) connected to her, it goes in (went in) through a hole in her tummy, it went all the way through her stomach and down into her intestine, it had to be surgically placed not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but you guessed it FIVE TIMES! Know what it is? That's right, before I realized it Ashley's tube feedings were coming along with me to the bath room but the baby was not. So out it popped, hitting me in the back of the head, and leaving a very leaky hole in my Ashley's abdomen. I told you I was afraid I wasn't qualified enough to be chosen as her mommy!

Immediately I began to panic, Ash began to cry, and my very qualified husband sprung into action. He trimmed off the J portion of her tube and re-inserted the G portion so that the opening would not begin to shut itself off. The whole time I am feeling like the worst parent in the world knowing that as soon as I call the transplant coordinator they are going to tell us we have to be re-admitted immediately. Anyway, only God knew how bad I was going to mess up last night and I am convinced He was making plans so that I would not be here alone with my baby when I did it. We were able to call the hospital and convince them that yes we were qualified to just place a G tube and that we could take care of her at the apartment this weekend without being admitted. They allowed us to run in and pick up a new tube and off we went back to our apartment without even having to take Ash inside the hospital. So now we are feeding Ash through a G tube only and so far so good. Dave is just looking out over his fields of daisies( that happens to be covered with rainbows) and telling me that this is Ashley's opportunity to prove herself to everyone. She is not vomiting, not gagging, and not struggling with being fed into her stomach(Thank you, God!). Now we just have to convince the team that we DO NOT NEED to take her back into surgery to have another one placed. If that does happen then I will never be able to forgive myself for causing her to endure it again.


Anyway I felt the need to confess just in case we do end up back in the OR on Tuesday to have our sixth G-J tube placed. I wouldn't want it to catch any of you by surprise. The good thing about my Ashley is that she is as tough as they come and as soon as we picked her up she was smiling about the whole disaster. I am so thankful she has such a forgiving spirit. Needless to say we ( or me especially) could still use your prayers. I am trying really hard to be a good mommy to this little pickle.

We are on our way to the park to take this little one for a walk in the nice spring air. Her daddy is hoping it will help her to stop her crying today. He just keeps telling me he isn't cut out to be a mom. I will post pictures of her later. Thanks for loving her and for checking in today. You are loved and appreciated. Take care. Trish