She's A Happy Girl
In the early days of our sweet Ashley Kate's life, the days before we had even met our tiny baby girl we prayed this prayer, "Father, let her be happy. Please allow her to give and receive love. " This was our prayer. We had prayed and pleaded with God for days and days. In the beginning Dave and I were given no access to her. We had no idea what obstacles she was facing. We had no idea how medically fragile she was. We only knew that she was here and that we loved her. My prayer quickly became, "let her be happy." When you are faced with the unknown and the list of possibilities is endless you quickly decide what is most important to you. This is what we decided on and this is what we prayed.
Each day as I look on her smiley face I reminded how much God loves us. He hears our prayers and He answers them. Oh, He may not always answer in the way I would like for Him too, but He does answer and in this instance He did allow her to be so, so happy. My Ashley has joy and happiness that spills out all over her face. All I do is say her name and she shares this amazing smile with me. She does so much more than give and receive love. God is good and He is faithful.
Today I am looking at my little one and realizing that she is now a big girl. In just two short weeks she will enter into toddler hood. She may not actually be toddling, but she is no longer a baby. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. Flash that smile, and presto we give in to her every whim. The other night at dinner as I was "forced" to hold open and read Good Night Moon for the millionth time as I tried to eat. I told Dave, "This child is out of control." He laughed and replied, "No she's not. She is in complete control and we are the ones who are out of control. We have lost it." How true! I just love her and her Good night Moon even if it is in the middle of dinner.
She has had a wonderful day. She awoke very happy and ready to begin her new schedule. This was her first day without being connected to her feeding pump for 20 hours straight. It was so exciting to see her experience her new freedom. She is now eating 3 meals a day and receiving 2oz. of formula in a bolus feed after she finishes her food. This allows her to be free from her feeding tube and pump until 7:00 p.m. She has done great! In just 3 weeks she will have earned herself another 3 hours of freedom as we stretch her tummy into taking 3 1/2 oz after her meals. Then she will only be connected from 10 until 10 allowing her an entire day without ANY thing being connected to her. Along with her new feeding schedule she is on a nap schedule as well. I wake her at 9a.m. and she eats her first meal at 10. After her mid morning meal she plays for an hour and then goes down for a two hour nap. Upon waking she plays another hour before her second meal and then spends the next two playing. At 4:00 she goes down for her second nap and is awakened at 5 to play for an hour before dinner. Then she stays up until 10 where she is hooked up to her pump, meds are given and she goes down to sleep (hopefully without Blue) until the next morning. We have had 2 full nights of sleep and it has been wonderful! Can you see me smiling? I love life without chemo! This is the first time she has been on any type of schedule in over a year. I am a happy mommy, and she of course is a happy baby.
I feel myself relaxing and breathing easier. It is wonderful. I know that we still have many, many obstacles ahead of us, but I also know who God is and what He has done so far in her life. She's a happy girl and her eyes, her smile, and her countenance reflect that. What more could a mommy ask for?