Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

9/25/2007

Each and Every Breath

Ash is truly struggling for each and every breath tonight. I don't like the way she looks. She has too much fluid on her body making it so difficult to breath deeply and fill her lungs with the air she needs. She is working way too hard. The distention of her abdomen is just adding to the pressure that is being placed on her lungs. Her fluid has third spaced and she is very, very huge. We have her on two liters of oxygen trying to keep her saturation's up. I don't like where we seem to be headed. It is so, so scary.

Ash is exhausted from the struggle. I keep encouraging her to just breathe... breathe...breathe. Her breaths are shallow and her respiration's are way too high. She is fighting against the nasal cannula and the memory of what the next step is frightens me. This is the slippery slope I knew we would be standing on the minute we returned. Once we start to slide getting back to the top is so very difficult.

Something that comes so easy for me can be so difficult for her. That breaks my heart. I breathe and don't even give it a thought. She breathes and it takes every ounce of energy she has in her entire body. Why is it so tough?

The cough that Ash has developed has turned into congestion only making it more difficult for her to breathe. Even though she needs the oxygen to make breathing easier for her she doesn't understand and she doesn't want anything to do with it. We have been holding her arms and hands down for the last hour trying to make her keep it on but she still managed to pull it off twice. They are now asking for an order for restraints.

Dave has gone to bed. His plane leaves at 4 tomorrow morning. I hate it that his last image of Ash is going to be watching her struggle for breath. I know it only makes leaving more difficult. Although my heart smiled when he came around the corner this afternoon I will be glad for Blake and Al to have their dad home. They need to feel some sort of normalcy. They have been so great and so understanding. Tonight Al said, "If her body doesn't want those organs then just ask them to give her someone else's before you come home." Even after all we have talked about her heart is still a child's and it is innocent and doesn't understand the sacrifice that was made to give Ash a chance to live. If only it were that easy.

My prayer for Ash tonight is that her little lungs would fill with air. Her kidneys might kick in and begin to pull the extra fluid off her body, and that her bowel would wake up and start to work. I hope I'm not asking too much. He already knows exactly what she needs so I'm just going to "let my requests be known unto God". Thank you again for loving her enough to pray for her. I will never be able to repay each one of you for all you have done. Just know that my heart is grateful and will always be. Good night. Trish



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28 Comments:

At 11:13 PM , Blogger Candy said...

Praying...

 
At 11:21 PM , Anonymous Dee Dee in NC said...

Lifting you all up before the Father. I am so sorry that Ashley is suffering, so sorry that Dave has to leave and you must struggle alone, and that he has to leave her with such an unsettling image of her in his mind. I am so sorry that Blake and Allie don't have their baby sister to kiss, hug and love on. I am so sorry that you do not have Ashley's smile to encourage you. I am so sorry you haven't gotten better news lately, although I am thankful for words like "mild case." I am so sorry that she is swelling and her organs are not all able to cooperate; I pray God will touch them and they will wake under His touch.
Even more than all these things for which I am so sorry, I am so deeply sorry for the moms and dads in the corridors, and in the other hospital rooms with their sick little ones, who know this same pain and yet do not know the One Who is our great hope and refuge. So glad He is there with you, and will continue to be after Dave has to fly away in the morning.
(By the way, I saw the airline electricity mix-up that affected Dave. Top of CNN News, on the Internet. Did God mess up that many flights to get Dave back to his little Pickle for a few more hours today? : )

 
At 11:27 PM , Anonymous christy said...

praying.....for ash to breathe easier....for you to have peace as you wait by her side....for dave to have safe travels and effective work when he gets back home....for ali and blake to have comfort and a peace that only God can bring their innocent hearts.

 
At 11:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying like crazy for sweet Ashley !! My heart breaks for you all and all you have been through. Even though we have never met, I just love your family and am so thankful for you.
I'll be praying constantly for your sweet girl tonight!!
God Bless,
Lisa

 
At 11:30 PM , Blogger Kelli said...

Praying. Just praying.

 
At 11:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart continues to break and tears fall....it is amazing to me that I have so much emotions for your family but then I am reminded we all have the same God who loves us! We will continue to lift these prayers up and we must never forget how big our God REALLY is. We must also have the faith, I mean really have the faith, that God has, can, and will heal! God bless your family and like someone has said in the earlier post...we love you all and you have touched so many lives....more than you can possibly imagine:)

Mistie in Lubbock, Tx

 
At 11:39 PM , Anonymous toni in the midst said...

I am so very brokenhearted for your precious little girl and what she is enduring. Please know that I will continue to pray for her and for those closest to her, asking God to intervene just as you requested. Praying!
Blessings,
~Toni~

 
At 11:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

......Praying........still storming the gates of heaven on Ashely's behalf.......for her to breathe easier.....kidneys to work....and her precious bowel to start working.......and that nasty virus to disappear......I can only imagine your heartache and fear.......

Take care.......

Shari....

 
At 1:00 AM , Blogger kristine said...

I just spent the last 4 hours reading your blog. What a testimony you and your husband are not only to us but to the nurses and doctors and others you may come in contact with at the hospital.

My heart is breaking for you. My precious daughter (also adopted-from Russia) will be 2 in a couple of weeks. When she woke up from her nap, I kept looking at and just trying to imagine what you are going through. I will pray for you. I will pray hard!

Kris
Ps. 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

 
At 1:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just woke up and thoughtt maybe i should come and check before I went back to sleep. I had missed your last post, I am praying.

 
At 1:47 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your family is in my prayers.
Karen

 
At 5:04 AM , Blogger Suzy said...

Praying, praying, praying ... May God hold you close x

 
At 5:36 AM , Blogger emily said...

Praying...

 
At 5:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

(praying)

 
At 6:10 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

As always I am praying for you all....I know this is breaking your heart because it's breaking mine too!! I pray that Ashley gets everything she needs from our Good Lord!! Like you said He knows what she needs. I pray that your family may reunite again soon!! I pray and pray and pray for you all every single day! There isn't a minute that goes by in my day that I am not thinking of little sweet Ashley and the horrible time she is having.
She is a very fortunate baby. She has been found by a more than wonderful family and the love she has come to know from you all is just absolutely priceless!!

Keep up the good work and always keep your Faith! Her life is in God's hands and He loves her and all of you very much....as always I am praying!

 
At 6:27 AM , Anonymous heidi said...

Thank you for updating us all on someone we have come to care about so much. Thank you for your strength to take such wonderful care of her. Hear our prayers.

 
At 6:36 AM , Anonymous Andrea b. said...

praying!

 
At 6:50 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for God to answer the prayers of many if it is HIS will..... Praying in Longview....
S.S.

 
At 6:52 AM , Blogger Carey said...

Im praying

 
At 6:55 AM , Blogger Amy T said...

Praying that Ashley did not get worse and even started to improve during the night. Praying that Dave has a safe trip home.

 
At 7:00 AM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Praying.

 
At 7:34 AM , Blogger Alicia said...

You're in my prayers.

 
At 8:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for Ash to turn around quickly. Your family is in my prayers! ~Chan~

 
At 8:09 AM , Blogger Sun said...

Praying - my entire family is and lots of my friends are too. Thank you SO much for the updates and please know how much your family means to so many! Little Ashley is so precious - Sunshine

 
At 8:12 AM , Anonymous Misty said...

PRAYING

 
At 8:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes it is so hard to pray "Thy will be done." And,yet, that is what we have been taught to do. Whatever God has planned for little Ashley,we know that His will has a purpose,and even though we don't understand, we still must trust.
Praying still, & trusting in our God and his great mercy.

 
At 9:18 AM , Blogger kristine said...

Still praying for you today!
Kris

 
At 10:24 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel like I already know you and your family by visiting your blog. I have been praying for her and you all for sometime now. I've passed your story on to my prayer warriors at church so know that 30 strong faith women in NC are praying for that sweet little girl!!! God bless you all!

Michelle

 

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