The good, the bad, the ugly...

or whatever you want to call it.

The Good:

I had the opportunity to rock this precious baby in my arms this morning. I kissed her little hands and I kissed her forehead(my absolute favorite place to kiss my children). I smelled her hair and I prayed over her body. I allowed myself to just enjoy being close to her again. I saw her smile a very tiny, fleeting grin when I sneezed and it made my heart smile. She loves to hear her daddy pretend to sneeze over and over again and it must have reminded her of the sneezing game they play. That is the good I have found today.


The Bad:

Ashley's bowel is of course in some level of rejection. Still an undetermined degree. This morning her labs show that her liver is in a little bit of distress as well. As crazy as this may sound, I hadn't even consider the rejection of both organs. I asked if it were possible for her to reject both at the same time, and they agreed that they too thought that it looked like a possibility based on the morning labs. So are we actually rejecting both organs? We do not know for sure, but if her numbers continue climbing then we will schedule a liver biopsy next week.

The GI doctor doing her scope did not have encouraging things to say about his view of the bowel this afternoon. He actually said "it looks like rejection, but I am not a pathologist." The surgeon came in to view the bowel on the screen during the scope and she felt like she saw some healthy tissue still there. That part was a little encouraging.

The Ugly:

Based on what the surgeon saw on the screen she is thinking about going ahead with Ashley's take down procedure while we are here. Of course Ash will have to recover from this bout of infection and rejection first, but if she can recover before the end of October then she thinks it might be in her best interest to go ahead. The ileostomy(loop of bowel on the outside of Ashleys abdomen) is very prolapsed and doesn't look too good. She is also concerned about a loop of bowel she saw that is turned underneath the skin which could pose serious problems with further prolapse. This is ugly. The time of year is not optimal for Ash to be in the hospital. We are just approaching flu season and virus' run rampant in the halls during the winter. This could be ugly, not to mention the mental battle we will go through as we put Ash through such a procedure. We just weren't prepared for that yet, but if it is in her best interest then of course we would agree.


There are days in this life that are more trying than others and it is during those times that I try my hardest to find things to be thankful for. None of this situation is under my control. I can't change a moment of it. I can only control my reaction to it. My hope and my prayer is that our Ashley will recover and her health will be restored. I would love to have her home for the holiday season for the first time in her life. My mind is trying to wrap itself around the possibility of a long hospital stay. I miss my kids. I miss Dave I miss normal life. I miss a lot of things, but I am still blessed even if a tear or two happens to fall from my eyes. He knows and I really think He understands.