Waiting to Declare

What a long day! Nothing much happened outside of rounds this morning, but it was an awful lot of information for me to sort out and absorb. Tonight I feel like she can do this. She has been around this block a couple of times and she's pretty tough. My sweet Ashley Kate doesn't know how to do anything but survive and overcome. I just think He's got a plan.

She is basically the same tonight as she has been all day. Uncomfortable with the worst stomach ache you could ever imagine. She continues to stretch to dimensions I never knew were possible. It looks so painful and so frightening, but in the midst of her discomfort she can still make me smile. Ash has been holding her little feet in the air wanting me to massage them. She doesn't make a sound. I just look over there and see a foot sticking up and thats the cue. As soon as I start she closes her eyes and it seems to relax her just a little. I love this silly girl. One day last week she had her daddy on one side and me on the other just rubbing away.

After spending some time visiting with one of the doctors this evening the goal is to wait. We are all waiting for Ashley's body to declare which path it is going to take. I am believing that it is possible she will just wake up one day and turn this thing around. If she can hang on long enough without becoming too exhausted by the process then I think we have a chance. There is really nothing that can be done until her body shows us that she needs more support. That support will more than likely come from the vent at the point that the infection spread and she reaches her limit, but it doesn't have to happen that way. I am encouraged that her blood pressures have been solid. I am encouraged that her heart rate is holding its own. I am encouraged that although she is working hard to breathe against the pressures building inside her abdomen she still sats at a 100%. I am encouraged that she is not maintaing a high temperature. I am overall encouraged by the possibility that it may not get as bad as they say it can. My fear or worry or tears will not change the path that this is going to go down. Thats not to say that I haven't had all three of those at some point today. More than anything I just wish I could relieve her of the discomfort she is in. There are no band aids big enough for this boo boo and realizing that I am helpless and can offer her nothing is tough.

Ashley's eyes like always tell the story. In her eyes you can usually see a twinkle. It may be a twinkle that hints of an ornery streak just waiting for an opportunity to shine or it may be that twinkle that shines with absolute joy and happiness. No matter how she feels I can always read it in her eyes. Tonight her eyes tell me just how tired she is and how unsure she is of where we are. They ask me for help that I can not give and they wait for me to fix "this".

I really don't know how this will all play out, but I have decided to think positive and pray that she has the strength to do whatever she has to do. I am so proud of her. Thank you for loving our pickle. Good night. Trish