Tears

A ten minute procedure to drain fluid from Ashley's abdominal cavity has had disastrous results. Ashley Kate is now on the ventilator unable to breathe on her own. Ask me why I have fought so hard to get her out and back toward home? I dare you to look at my daughter tonight. I dare you to and then ask me that again.

One procedure leads to another to another to another. Eventually someone makes a mistake. The person who pays is innocent. She lies across the room from me now and a tube shoved into her throat forces air into her lungs to keep her alive. I reminded the surgeon that I've only got one of her. There is not another Ashley. She's not replaceable.

This is our reality. Our worst nightmares have come true.


I just don't have the energy to share my heart, my hurts, or my hopes tonight. My insides are shaking. My nerves are shot. My everything hurts. My daughter is hurting. I can't even imagine what our tomorrows will bring.

Some one reminded me that HE is collecting all of my tears. I wonder if the ones from Ashley Kate's swollen eyes were collected tonight too? As she fought as hard as she could against the drugs, the sedation, the tube, and those holding her down the tears slipped from her eyes and they pierced my very soul. She was afraid. So very afraid. I'll never forget those tears. They have marked my heart forever. Who collected her tears tonight?