If I've learned anything
Over the last 6 years if I've learned anything, anything at all its this...life can change in a moment. There are no warnings, there can be no time to prepare, there is not a rewind button. Its with this "new" knowledge that I push on with. Living each day, absorbing the most precious moments, taking nothing for granted, and constantly being aware that in the most mundane of minutes inside this home can be found the greatest of memories. I wouldn't trade this awareness in my life for much of anything.
I sit in our home each night once we've all gathered back here after a day of work, school, practice, and games and this overwhelming sense of peace covers me. My heart feels right with the world and I breathe a sigh of contentment in my surroundings. So thankful to have normal. So thankful to be surrounded by these people. So thankful to be in this place with them.
Baseball...I allow the pressure of homework, deadlines, injuries, medical issues, transplant, financials, and all the rest to pale in comparison to the moments in which I look around and see a handsome, healthy soon to be 16 year old young man sitting at my table, an amazingly beautiful and happy 13 year old with a bum knee glowing with a smile, and a rambunctious, chair driving 6 year old on a mission speeding across our family room. Life in this moment is good. It is precious. Priceless. Nothing outside of this home and the protection that this family unit provides me can enter in those moments to steal the peace I feel. I become keenly aware that I have been handed an undeserved gift in this life. It does not go unnoticed that all that I see and love and cherish are but gifts from a loving Father who despite knowing me STILL loves me.
I'm not saying life is perfect. Obviously it is not. There is much stress, and pain, and hauntings of an uncertain future that lie under the surface, but its the knowledge I possess of what it feels like to be without all I am surrounded by in this moment that keeps me squarely focused on the good, and the lovely, and the most precious.
Each day I wake here in our home I smile knowing Ash and I stayed for another day. I face the new day with an excitement in my heart and a longing for another to come to pass. I embrace the moments and I eagerly wait for this evening when once again we will all be gathered together to finish up the gift we were handed today.
If I've learned anything over the course of her life its this...nothing is guaranteed and the moments we have can never be recovered once they are spent. Live... as if there will never be another. Pause...allow the beauty of those who surround you to soak into your soul. Breathe...a prayer of gratitude for all you are given. Pray...for those who are lost and hurting and missing what gifts they have yet to open blinded by circumstance.