All is Well

Ash is well. She's been antibiotic free for 3 days now. Seems to be doing fine without them so far. Her last set of cultures have not grown out and we are very grateful. She's happy. Full of giggles. Joy abounding wherever she goes. She's simply wonderful and makes our hearts so very, very happy.

We are busy, busy this week. With school starting back up, basketball x 2 kids, club volleyball, and preparation for the beginning of baseball, its a full schedule.

My brother and his family are here for a visit. So much fun. Ashley Kate LOVES the attention of my 4 year old niece and my nephews. They are all so good with her. Always someone there ready to play ball with her, get her a drink, or push her around in her chair. We've laughed really hard and sooo enjoyed our time with them.

My heart is heavy these days and I miss the days where I don't feel the burden of central lines, transplants, and unknown futures. It seems as though I bounce back and forth between the ability to not lose focus of the minutes we are being given and the shattering decisions that still loom on our horizons. I can't think of it all without shedding tears this week, so I've been hiding from the journal in hopes of not letting it all spill out on these pages. I wish so desperately that things were different and that we had never needed that transplant in the first place! If I could have my sweet Ashley with all the other struggles minus the need for organs I think I might never ask for anything more. It simply couldn't be that way for her though and I'm doing my best to make it matter in my life. In some way this all has to be serving a purpose. Even though my heart is heavy and hurting these days I know He's working in our lives and blessing us with precious, precious time. I can't lose sight of that.

So, I apologize for the lack of updates. Trying to hold it together right now and not allow myself to be so vulnerable. Just feeling the need to guard my heart for some reason and I'm not sure why that is. Wanting to feel His presence in my heart big enough to overshadow the fears that try to hide inside there. Needing to know that His plan is going to be the best for all of us and that its really going to be ok even if it doesn't feel that way.

Thank you so very much for continuing on with us. I am still so humbled that you all love and care about us. Just know that when I'm silent its for good reason and that I'd never hide from any of you if Ash was struggling or failing. I know where the prayer warriors reside. I've seen you all time and time again approach His throne and lay at His feet on our behalf. I can't thank you enough for that. Never in a million years could I ever express how very grateful I am for your presence here.