A little sad
Last night I sat watching Allie do her thing at club volleyball practice and half way listened to the conversations that surrounded me. You see Allie had a hard day yesterday and the two hours I spent with her between after school and before practice were hard on this mom's heart. I listened to her cry and cry and cry and not understand and honestly it broke my heart. The best advice I could give her was to go to practice and take it all out on that ball. Which she did and which is why I could only half way pay attention to the surrounding conversations because I was so focused on her and loving her and supporting her and just being so dang proud of her no matter what.
In those moments I was really thankful for learning that sometimes you just have to be on there side. As a mom, you just do. Its what they need in those moments when the hurt is so big that they can't see the cause or the meaning of it all. There are going to be days when kids mess up, and teachers are mean, and boys are stupid, and practice is awful. There are going to be days when you feel like you can't do anything right no matter how hard you try and whether its true or not thats the way you feel because your 13 years old and the only wisdom you have in your arsenal is that of a 13 year old girl. On those days its nice to know your mom can bite her tongue and listen hard and cry real tears along beside you if for no other reason than being your mom.
I like to think of it as parenting with Grace. Or perhaps mercy. Call it whatever you want. The point being a kid is going to make mistakes sometimes. Maybe lots of times and not every one of those times do you have to be the voice of reason or the disciplinarian or the long arm of the law. Sure you do some of the time, but there are times when I like to be nothing more than their mom, their safe place, and the one who will listen and not correct.
This morning when Allie woke up she was a new girl. Her old self. The happy go lucky, take on the world kind of girl determined to make today better than yesterday after learning the valuable lesson of not allowing any one else to steal a day of your life from you by letting them get in your head. It was the girl I love so deeply. The one who makes us laugh so hard our sides hurt. The one who is fiercely competitive. The one who makes me hold my breath as she walks out the front door for school because she is just that beautiful. Yeah...thats my girl.
There are going to be days in junior high that cause you to be a little sad. Its the way junior high works. Although it may seem like the end of the world at the time its really not. Your world is going to expand and be SO MUCH MORE than you can see right now. These teachers won't be your teachers forever and that boy won't even be a memory you can recall one of these days. I wish you could see that what I'm saying is true, but I understand that you can't. I get that. I really do. I was 13 one year of my life and I didn't get it either.
What I want you to remember is that you are Amazing. Priceless. Beautiful. Set aside. Treasured. Forgiven. Purposed. Thats what I hope you can recall from yesterday. Oh yeah, I want you to also remember that a volleyball is a great representation of those who hurt you and its legal to hit "them" as hard as you want when your in the gym. Let it all out when you get a little sad. The ball can take it, and you'll feel so much better when your finished.
I love you sweet girl. Today and for always.