I'm settling into this new pattern of holding on to most of my thoughts rather than spilling them onto the "pages" of this beautiful place. It had become such a huge part of my life, almost a daily routine to come here spill it and then walk away. I'm not sure I like this new way of keeping it inside, but then again I wasn't sure almost 6 years ago that I'd ever like the sharing of it either. Nothing really happened to cause me to change this habit. Seriously, nothing was said. Nothing was done. I just find it easier at this time to hang onto my thoughts instead of sharing them. No real explanation. No real reason.
Life here in our home has been busy, busy, busy. I prefer it that way. Not a lot of time to sit still and dwell on the things I cannot change. The things I don't understand. The things I wish so desperately were different. My teenagers keep me running here and there most every day of the week. We just arrived home from Allie's volleyball tournament in Dallas. So much fun to watch our girl do something she is so good at doing. Dave and I were visiting today as we watched her play and amazingly said we think she may play volleyball in college rather than soccer. NEVER thought I'd say that, but she's really, really good at this volleyball thing. I think we've decided not to play another year of club soccer and who knows if she'll make the high school team this may or not. Even if she does, she's not willing to give up basketball in high school so she will be splitting the basketball and soccer season's and that's a really, really tough thing to do. She's still on the fence about trying out for high school cheer. If she does and makes it then her schedule will officially become impossible I believe. Not sure how to make her slow down or choose between all the things she loves.
Blake's basketball season has about 3 more weeks in it and Friday night he played AWESOME. Seriously, one of his best game ever. We were so proud watching him. Playing basketball has basically "frozen" him from being able to try out for baseball so he will miss try outs this Friday and to be honest that really sucks. Plain and simple. It puts him behind the other players, but I'm not too worried. Blake always land on his feet. No matter what the obstacle he has the ability to make life work. I'm very, very proud of who he is. He is a great baseball player and this few weeks of "freezing" him out won't determine his career. He is working very hard and has been all year. He's hitting well, throwing harder than ever, and pitching great. He leaves basketball practice and goes to hitting or pitching lessons every week. He thrives on all the hard work. He's happier than ever. Enjoying dating a beautiful young lady. Making it all work. He remains an amazing kid. An absolute joy in my life.
Ashley Kate is soooo sweet. She's soooo fun! Soooo silly! I laugh every single day at that little girl. She has grown and matured so much in the last few months. I looked at her tonight and couldn't believe how beautiful she was. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her complexion...all so beautiful. I love her. She's had a cold the last couple of weeks making mornings and evening a little rough on her, but during the day she is absolutely delightful. I've noticed some changes in her. Like her need for rest. She sleeps a lot. She seems to need it. I allow her to sleep as late as her body needs knowing that her liver is struggling to process the components of her TPN. I'm taking life as it comes it with her. Our days are happy. Simple. Sweet. I don't bring too many people in to work on this or that and I'm ok with it. She is too. Ash is the happiest, most joyful, person I've ever known or ever loved. She makes us all happy. Even when the day is hard she has the ability to bring a smile to all of our faces.
We are still searching for a nurse. Someone to sit with Ash a few hours a week allowing her to rest rather than do all the running I do. Although she loves to go, its physically demanding and wears her out. Insurance is requiring an RN and that has made it a little harder to fill the position. Dave and I would prefer to bring in the nurses that already know and love Ash, but haven't figured it out yet. I know it will happen if its the right thing to do. If it doesn't happen then its ok, we will make it work.
I guess overall life around our home is what it always is. A mixture of mostly good days, with just a sprinkling of bad. The children are all happy, and as mother I don't know that I could ask for much more than that. I love them like crazy and wouldn't trade our crazy life for any other. Hope your all well. Hope your families are blessed. I miss sharing pictures of our sweet Ashley with you, but I'm still without a camera. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't snapping photos on a daily basis, but it is what it is. Hoping to get it repaired or find a new one in the next few months. I'll write again soon. Maybe someday this will become that daily place I can come to again. I sure hope so. There's so much swirling around in my head and my heart.