Listening

Some nights I like to sit here in the dark and listen. I can feel a smile spreading across my face and then across my heart. Her giggles filter in from her bedroom. The sound of her laughter is surely the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. The MOST wonderful!

She's happy.

So very happy.

For that...I am grateful.

I was driving home tonight from watching Blake play basketball, and I realized that she's not hurting. Not now. Not anymore. I'm grateful. All I could do was smile as I whispered to the Father how very grateful I was for that.

She feels good. She has no owies. She has no fear. She's not worried.

In my world it doesn't get any better than that.

The memories of those nights. The nights filled with pain in her tiny body, and the look of confusion in her eyes, and the helpless feelings that engulfed me are all still too real. Raw. Even after a year and a half, the memories bring me to my knees. I wanted more than anything to keep her safe. To make it all go away. To bring her home. The place that she loved.

Now...she's here...and I can't make it all go away...I can't keep her safe...but... I can sit here in this room and listen to her laughter as it breaks through the dark and I can be grateful.

And... I am. As I listen tonight...I am.