Confirmed

3 a.m. phone calls always mean the same thing.

Suspicion of line infection...confirmed...gram negative rods...again.

Last Thursday I sat in the doctor's office and was told "she's one infection away from taxing her liver to the point of no return."

I just thought to myself, "Well, what are we supposed to do?"

The longest period of time she has gone without a line infection since the placement of this line in December of 2010 is 5 weeks.  I knew it was just days away from happening again.

I asked her doctor's how much longer we had with her liver in this condition...his answer..."-3 years.  I would have told you it was finished 3 years ago and by all rights should have been."

Not what you want to hear.

I was also informed that yeast doesn't clear.  Both doctors agreed that the yeast infection that grew out of her line on April 1st was still in her line because it doesn't clear with treatment.  They also told me it will kill her.  They said it multiple times.    They expect it to show up any day now and told me until she has 3 months of clear cultures they won't believe its gone and for me not to get comfortable.  It will show its self again and it will show itself fast.

Not a good visit.

Its been a rough week.  Lots of disappointments.  Lots of hurts.  I can't wait for this school year to end and for the summer to begin.  I need some distraction from all that's happening.  I'm ready to watch my son play some baseball and to make some memories with my girls.  We need a break.  If there was any way to pack up and run from life I'd throw my kids in the car and hit the road.  Somewhere quiet, peaceful, and perhaps tropical.

Instead I'll wait for the box to be dropped off and start another cycle of liver taxing, kidney toxic, medications to begin.

The best thing in my world is this...she's smiling today.  Despite it all...she's smiling.